4:42 pm - 04/17/2019

advice on having kids

It has been a long time since I have posted in here. Just got busy with life and all. But some big things have been happening, like we have started talking about having kids. My husband supports that, but is scared(understandably so) and I do still want to have kids, but also kind of scared/nervous in a way. A lot of what ifs...like what if I'm not a good parent, what if I can't handle that stress, what if we can't have kids and it takes longer that we thought.My husband is very supportive and knows we are in this together, but he has the same worries as I do.

It's what I want yet such a big change. We'd be the first in our group of friends to have kids, so just the fact that that will change our social situation, kind of worries me. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be selfish about this. I know there are a lot of great things about having kids, which I am ready for. I think what I worry about in that situation is I don't want to forget those friends. I have been on the other side, been forgotten and left out because a friend has been busy with her kid and her friends who have kids. But I also know life will change.

I guess I have heard so many stories of parents being sleep deprived and stories of painful child births and everything, that I am worried I can't handle it. But I guess everyone is different and in the end it is worth it.

Anyway, I guess I am just looking for advice as we start planning for this journey. I plan on getting off my birth control in the next few months. What has helped you get through it? Helped ease worries?

Thanks for listening!
themockingmommy 22nd-Apr-2019 02:39 pm (UTC)
This is just my personal experience. :)

My labor didn't suck, honestly. I labored and gave birth with no drugs and no complications and was in labor for only 8 hours, which definitely helped with the "not suck" thing! Everyone definitely is different in that regard -- I have friends who have had epidurals, emergency and planned c-sections, etc etc etc -- and no one can prepare you for it, but you're right, it's worth it in the end.

I had severe PPD/PPA after my son was born, and it lasted, oh... I'd say at least 6 months. I didn't get treatment, which I sorely regret, so I'm encouraging you now... if you have ANY sort of feeling like that, please go see your doctor. Don't do what I did and suffer through those first few precious months with something that is ultimately treatable. You're no less a parent for doing what's good for you (and you can't do what's best for others without taking care of yourself first).

Yes, there was sleep deprivation, even a few years into parenting; yes, there were 2am wake-ups with night terrors and general "omg just go the fuck to sleep" nights, more of those than I can count. But it does go away. My son is six now (GEEZUS) and he's a dream at night. Still climbs into bed with me every.single.night, but I actually love it and am not looking forward to when I need to put the kibosh on it.

As far as social interactions go, it's harder when you have a kid, yeah, but not impossible. We still get with our childless/child-free friends pretty regularly, and we're admittedly terrible with that kind of stuff. ;) It helps to plan things both in advance and at the last second, since you'll probably need more flexibility. YES, life does change, but in this case, only as much as you let it.

I also get the fears you have about whether you'll be good enough. You'll question that all through the parenting journey, too, promise, lol. But so long as the child is fed, housed, and loved (not always liked, but loved), you're doing well. <3

Good luck!!
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