i had my last annual in december of 2014; i'd had PIV sex a grand total of twice (once in early january and once in early december) during the year, and the january time was my first PIV experience. i'm not very pleased with myself but i didn't insist on my partners wearing protection, so when i had my well woman visit, we went ahead and ran the gamut--everything came back clear, pap was normal, awesome!
in 2015, i kind of had PIV sex in may (he couldn't maintain an erection with a condom, so i wouldn't consider it successful because it barely went in at all, hence the kind of part :\) and then two or three times november/december, condom used the entire time each time. i had my exam just before christmas, but my period showed up so we postponed the pap until two weeks ago. it wound up coming back abnormal, so i scheduled this as soon as possible. i researched as best i could and came decently prepared, but by the morning of i was an anxious wreck. an hour before the procedure, i took two 200mg of ibuprofen/advil)
it started by the nurse calling me back and asking me to go give a urine sample, then head down to "room 11." i had always been escorted previously, so it was strange for me to go solo, and it definitely didn't help the anxiety issue. as soon as i stepped in, it was wayyy different than the regular exam rooms--very sterile, metal toolbox like thing with different labels on it, a different sort of table, no chair or spot to put my purse down--just very cold and threw me for a loop. nurse comes in, tries to calm me down, but i'm already going into freak out mode as she takes my blood pressure (usually 105/60 or so, 120/80 today...normal by regular standards, high for me). she tries to talk me through it, about what will happen, etc. tells me to get undressed waist down and have a seat on the table.
doctor comes in, i'm trying to make jokes to distract myself, she sits down and gets started. first and foremost, i gotta say: pap smears do not bother me. i barely feel them. this? this was hell.
from the get go, the speculum she used was DEFINITElY bigger than the one used in a pap. i know the structure of the vagina so i was trying to associate the sensations with where everything was, but once that speculum was in i was like nOPE. i know a speculum isn't supposed to be fun by any means, but this felt like it scraped against my cervix (but again couldn't be sure) as she clicked it open. from there, she did the vinegar/acetic acid (burned!) and then got to looking. she decided to take biopsies from two different spots.
at this point i'm listening to music on my iphone to distract me, so apparently i missed her telling me to cough and instead...omg. the cramps that happened instantly. i started tearing up then and there but tried to hold it together. no. something else happened, the cramping got much worse, then she biopsied the other spot, and at this point i start sniffling and crying a little bit more audibly. she's telling me i've done good and the bad part is over, but i couldn't care less i was checked out.
my crying becomes more noticeable and she and the nurse both are trying to console me, and the doctor says shhh shhh it's over, it's over very motherlike, but then i feel her swabbing or something and that pushed me off the deep end. i guess hearing her say it's over but then still feel something in there besides that effing awful speculum just...no. i was able to articulate that and she said it's just a cotton swab (the monsel's solution or whatever) but the disconnect of saying it's over vs. putting something else up in there just had me out of it :| to the point that i was loudly sobbing and sniffling (if there was someone in the next room my god i feel so bad for them having to hear me).
doc has me sit up and hands me tissues, tries to discuss things with me but i'm on another level. all i can do is nod and point at the pantyliners i brought (she said the monsel's will get solid and may come out in chunks but not to worry) and then left to let me get my pants on. i managed and then came out the door and she hugged me but i just...i was gone. i got out to my car and really started crying trying to get it all out, and that seemed to help. it was over, i could relax. i had stuff to do though, so i had to get past it and go.
so for the TL;DR crowd: i had a terrible experience with a colposcopy and as someone whose pap smears are usually a breeze, that says a lot.
i took two more ibuprofens about 2.5 hours later, as i was still cramping. those seemed to handle it for the most part. i went to the bathroom a couple of times, and sure enough the paste stuff was coming out and was gross, but it was expected. the procedure ended at 10:40 am-ish; i took my last set of ibuprofen at 6:30. i went over to a friend's after that and laid on the couch for a bit since i was still uncomfortable, but i noticed my discomfort had grown from cramps to almost...foreign object? i got home around 10:30 and got my trusty hand mirror out, thinking the monsel solution had solidified, only to find: my cervix!!!
i know the cervix moves and changes distance throughout the month; in fact, i specifically asked her where mine was today just to help distract myself, and she said 7 cm or so. cool! so to look down at my hand mirror and see hello, cervix! i ran a warm bath and sat in it for a bit, but it didn't do much for my discomfort. i checked again, and she's still there. just past my labia minora, you can see the vaginal opening, and without a light or any assistance, bam. there she blows. it's not prolapsed, but it's definitely knock knock knocking on heaven's door....
i check fairly regularly: my cervix has NEVER been this low. i called my NurseLine and they said they hadn't heard of that either, and they'd recommend a trip to the ER just to get checked out, but it's january. i don't have that kind of cash, and my flex account will be gone in no time if i keep this up, plus going to a hospital? oh no. might as well lemme go ahead and have a heart attack i will be on that level of freaking out.
pleeeeeeaseeee: i read through the tag and no one else mentioned having this problem. are there any VPers up and around that can ease my worry? i'm going back to my doctor first thing in the morning but in the meantime, oh gosh i'm terrified!!!!
edit: i opted to take two more ibuprofen and get to sleep. after reading a comment here & just "inspecting" more, it just seemed very (understandably) swollen. by the next morning it was still uncomfortable, but bearable, and got better throughout the day. no longer stressed over that.
but still 1/10 would never do again for the colposcopy