rosie (salgueirinho) wrote in vaginapagina,

Terrified of infertility

I have bored my friends to death with this topic so hopefully here is a good outlet for my anxiety? This probably makes me sound insane but my fear of infertility is giving me anxiety attacks and I don't know where else I can talk about it.

I have posted here before because I've had issues going back a couple of years - abnormal bleeding, some infections and irregular periods. The infections have been treated and those seem to have been the cause of the abnormal bleeding, but the irregular periods are still here. Until I was 24 my periods were pretty regular every 30 days, then 4-5 day periods, with usually one VERY heavy day. Then when I was 24 I got two STDs and suddenly irregular periods, so I thought it was all related, now I think maybe not, but who knows really. But since then, my periods have been getting shorter and shorter...I've had a couple of fourteen day cycles, though not for about eleven months now, and my last cycle was twenty four days, down from twenty five and twenty six the previous months. My periods are also lighter than they once were, though I guess that makes sense if the cycle is shorter as the uterine lining can't build up as much.

I'm trying really hard to stay off google but it popped into my head that this could be a sign of early menopause (I'm 27...I know it's unlikely...not impossible), so I looked it up and it's could be.

I'm seeing my gynecologist on Monday, after last seeing one in January. I live in the UK so it's NHS and I have to be referred for an appointment, I think this will be my last one. They did a scan before (fine), did two pap smears (both came back 'not enough cells' ugh), tested for infections (none), so this time I would really like to get them to check my hormones...just to see they're okay...but I don't know how I can get them to do that if they don't think it's necessary.

So...I am just absolutely terrified that I am infertile. And I have friends who have gotten pregnant by accident, seemingly so easily...I have never tried to get pregnant. I'm not seeing anyone. I've slipped up a few times in the past though and never got pregnant...and not that I really want an unplanned pregnancy!! But I feel so hopeless.

I just think after the issues I've had, STDs untreated for just over a year, irregular, short periods, there's no way I'll be able to have kids...and plus I can't even find a partner, despite trying, so it'll never happening and because of this I've been having anxiety attacks. It makes me feel depressed and hopeless.

My gynecology appointment is getting closer, and I want to take advantage of the doctor's time by asking all these questions but I also want them to take me seriously.

Is this insane? Are my fears rational? Is there any way to really test your fertility without trying?

Monthly(ish) periods...egg-white like discharge mid-cycle (although less than there used to be)...these are good signs about my fertility, right? I know a too-short luteal phase can prevent successful pregnancy but that's treatable isn't it?
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