sofriggencoolx (sofriggencoolx) wrote in vaginapagina,

HIV Freakout and Anxiety.. Please help!

SO I've been posting on the Facebook a bit, but long story short, I was in Eastern Europe on a work trip and last Sunday I had sex with someone who I thought was going to be my fun European fling. We started having sex with a condom and then he asked me if I could take it off. I told him I wanted him to wear it. During sex he tells me we are no longer wearing a condom (He said it broke.. Yeah, ok) and I freak out. He did not come inside me and I don't think it was very long without the condom but I can't be sure.

He got me the morning after pill in Bulgaria (where he is from) and showed me some surprising decency after what happened so I asked him a little about his sexual history. He told me he's had sex with men, prostitutes in Amsterdam (although a friend of mine mentioned not to be too worried about that because they get tested very regularly), strangers, etc. I asked him if he ever had any STDs and he said although he hates condoms it doesn't mean he has STDs because they aren't really a problem in the part of the world where he is from.... So, yeah. Clearly not the most educated in his sexual health. So I start freaking out that he may have something. This all happened a week ago. This is my first fling and I've been really beating myself up for it and blaming myself for getting me in the position in the first place.

I've been freaking out ever since this happened and having panic attacks thinking I am HIV+. I went to the doctor as soon as I got back and he had me get tested, which he said he would have done anyway even if I hadn't had this encounter. He could tell I was freaking out and He told me not to worry too much about this, that the circumstances of the encounter had me at a low risk and that it was just as risky as anyone else who had ever had unprotected sex, which was a lot of people and he mae me feel a ton better. He wanted me to get tested right away and in three months as well and I asked him if I could get tested every month and he told me that was overkill lol. He asked if I had been feeling sick at all and I told him I thought I was coming down with something. He said not to stress unless I feel like it's the worst flu ever. He aso put me on anxiety medication in hopes to get me to relax.  Relieved, I go home.

Now, of course, I was just travelling through Eastern Europe. I wasn't sleeping much and I've been really really stressing out over this. I was on a plane for ten hours. I'm still jetlagged. It would make sense that I would become sick with something because I usually do after I've been travelling. And I keep telling myself that. And I remembered feeling a bit achey during my trip at a point and wondering if I was coming down with something. But this is the WORST TIMING EVER lol. Yesterday I was feeling kind of fluish, very achey, developed a little bit of a cough, a little congested and my ears were clogged, as well. Today I'm feeling a little bit better but now I'm running a slight fever and have a sore throat and clogged ears and a cough. I know these are symptoms of developing HIV so I am freaking out. To make matters worse, I've know come down with a yeast infection. Which is pretty common for me to begin with. and when I was travelling I didn't shower or change my clothes for three days.. lol. So it would make perfect sense that I would have one. But I read online that that's also a symptom of HIV. And it turns out, pretty much everything seems to be a symptom of HIV. And the more healh issues I get the more I convice myself I must have it. And every time I cough,I tell myself it's HIV. So basically, in the past few days, I have actually been making myself crazy.

It's going to be a long three months to know for sure and I'm really scared.. I also don't want to keep going back to the doctor and asking him but this is the most terrified I think I've ever been about something. I'm also driving my friends nuts. So now I come to you VaginaPagina. If you've been here and also had a scare, can you offer any words of wisdom on keeping calm? I'm also kind of wondering if the stress over this is also making me sick and giving me the slight fever because everytime I go to take my temperature I start panicking and get really overheated. But I don't know how to stop and make myself feel better. So any kind words of advice or reminders of statistics that are in my favor are very appreciated :/. This is starting to affect my friendships and job because it's all I can thnk about. I can't even have a normal conversation with my roommate because I am just thinking about havng HIV.  I'm a woman obsessed!
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