stuck in reverse (starskye) wrote in vaginapagina,
stuck in reverse
starskye
vaginapagina

how to talk to doctor/ anxiety

Hello everyone. Some info about me: 34, female, never been pregnant/ don't want children. I currently use Nexplanon birth control. My last pap was normal, but they did find HPV type 16. I had a colposcopy and an ecc biopsy and nothing was found
Was instructed to have a pap every year. I suppose they think abnormal cells will develop eventually. What I have wanted for several years is an Essure sterilization procedure or a tubal ligation. Ive been brushed off by just about every gyno on that front for the past 10 years or so, except for this new one. While I was there for the initial visit for the pap and the Nexplanon, we got to talking about how I don't ever want children. He basically pointed to an Essure poster on the wall and said when the Nexplanon was finished, he would do this. It was a very casual conversation and I was so stunned that he would offer it, but also focused on the nexplanon and pap, that I really didnt inquire further. After that, I was of course called back to be told I had HPV 16 and needed a colposcopy. Ive got terrible health anxiety, so this in and of itself was the main focus of my next visit. I think the only thing I asked in relation to Essure was if I need LEEP treatment on my cervix, will it affect me someday getting Essure. He said no. The colposcopy was normal, was told pap in a year, which is this June. I did not handle the colposcopy well at all. It was the most painful thing I have ever been through. I do know that LEEP and Essure are done in this office under twilight sedation, so thats reassuring.

Fast forward to now. Im happy with Nexplanon for the most part. But been thinking so much about Essure. My main worry with hormonal methods is that I will develop a health condition that makes them unsafe to use. That's the main reason I switched to Nexplanon from the pill. I am nearing 35 and I do get white coat hypertension due to my health anxiety and general anxiety. I wanted a safer method with fewer contraindications to use. I don't like the thought of IUD's because I tend to get very bad cramps when I have periods, and because of the HPV. I don't want to get one and then have to have it removed for a LEEP or something in the future. Obviously barrier methods would never be effective enough for me mentally. Besides that, my husband and I enjoy very spontaneous sex. Barrier methods would never, ever fit in our lifestyle. I feel like I've spent a good portion of my life worrying about contraception and I would really like to put it to rest once and for all. Husband has offered to get a vasectomy, but I know I could never mentally rely on that. I like to be in control myself of these things. I basically want to know will he SERIOUSLY do Essure on me whenever I want?

Ok, after getting all that out, main problem is that I want to be able to convey all of this to my doctor, but I don't necessarily want to wait until June to do it. I'm not sure where to go from here. Do I just make a random appointment? If I did that I would probably have to pay for it out of pocket since my insurance has a huge deductable unless it is your one annual exam a year...and who knows what else I might have to pay for if abnormal cells are found THIS year and I need treatment? My colposcopy I had to pay full price for, since I had not met my deductable. I am still paying that off, plus trying to put money aside for future treatments if I need them. According to my insurance, the Essure would be covered. I am very anxious about just calling the office with random questions. I don't want to appear...odd or unstable emotionally in any way, because I don't want them to decide that I am not capable or ready to discuss permanent procedures. I do have anxiety, but I do not feel that it has anything to do with my desire to be childfree. In fact, I am not totally child free
My husband has three children from his previous marriage. I just do not want any of my own children and never did.
does anyone have any suggestions or advice on where to go from here? Basically, I just want to know that I have a doctor who is on my side, and understands me. I feel that we could have that relationship, but I was too focused on other things during my appointments to really have these talks. I wish I could just call or email him!
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