acs80 (acs80) wrote in vaginapagina,
acs80
acs80
vaginapagina

Beating myself up after having sex

Ugh, I feel like a huge trainwreck today. Hope someone here can lend some good advice.

So, here's the deal. I recently put myself on the dating market (read: online), and have been seeing tons of guys lately. One in particular - we'll call him "the frontrunner" - and I have been out three times. Last night was our third "date," which was just a night of cooking at his house. We hadn't even KISSED before yesterday, but somehow, we ended up not just kissing, but having sex. Neither one of us was planning on that happening, but we both enjoyed ourselves (or at least I did! Pretty sure he did, too).

But here's where I start beating myself up. First, I had two cocktails last night before we slept together, and I guess I hadn't eaten enough beforehand, because they made me feel pretty tipsy. So I can't even remember some parts of having sex, which just makes me feel so dumb (I often have memory loss when I drink, even if I've just had one cocktail - it sucks). Plus, I told him not to use a condom (I have an IUD) and while I don't think he has any issues with STDs, I still feel so so stupid about that, since I know it's a big no-no. And last, I'm super prone to UTIs, and so now I'm sitting at home the next morning, feeling a bunch of weird urethral sensitivity, wondering if I have an infection coming on, and kicking myself for having sex last night. I was so stupid about how I conducted myself - I didn't pop up right afterward to pee, which I KNOW I should have, but I was just so happy and wanted to feel carefree and so I just lay in bed with him for a while afterward. What an idiot.

My mother is a fairly conservative woman (politically and religiously), so even though I'm a highly educated, progressive feminist, I STILL hear her voice in my head this morning, telling me I made a mistake. I can't help but feel so guilty about this. Not only do I feel dumb for having had sex so soon, I also worry that I may have gotten myself a UTI, PLUS I wonder if I screwed things up with this guy by jumping in the sack so soon. I mean, it's clear we both wanted it, but still: as my mom always says, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' Ugh, I hate whoever made up that stupid saying. But I can't help but wonder if he'll think I'm some kind of promiscuous woman - not that there's anything wrong with that, necessarily; I've just had it drilled in my head that there is.

I guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance here. This is so not the norm for me - usually when I have sex with someone, we're very clearly in a relationship, we've both had STD tests, we've talked about it beforehand, etc. This was so careless and spontaneous and now I'm freaking out because today I realize how stupid I was. Am I being too hard on myself? I just don't know what to think.

Thank you!!!!
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