celery_soda (celery_soda) wrote in vaginapagina,
celery_soda
celery_soda
vaginapagina

Odd question -- validating endometriosis pain while still asking for respect in the home

This is a question for a friend, A, who lives with a problematic roommate, G. I first want to say: G's endometriosis and pain is completely valid, and neither I nor A have any disbelief about its existence or severity.

However, the issue is: G steals A's (and everyone else in the house's) food. It's absolutely ridiculous -- A will come home and find her leftovers gone, her produce missing, etc. At this point, G is stealing at least $5 of food per week from each person in the house, which doesn't seem like a lot, but is if you add it up. This is especially true for my friend A, who gets by on $20 and occasionally $30 a week for groceries. One must also factor in the inconvenience of A coming home after a long day of being a full time student and almost full-time worker to find no food around. A finally began keeping her rare treats like chocolate and alcohol in her room because G would take them, too. They don't label/segregate food, but they did all agree upon moving in that if it's not yours, you do not eat it. A began labelling much of her food, but G ignores those labels anyway. All the roommates in the house have discussed this with G separately and in a group several times. A asks her to not steal food at least once a month, and they've been living together since late August.

The problem is, every time they bring it up, G says that her endometriosis and says she couldn't leave to get groceries. G also says this when they confront her about not doing dishes or other chores. A's other roommates have sort of dismissed the endo pain as exaggerated, but A never has and doesn't want to since doing so is very much not okay. A often tells G she will take G out (G doesn't have a car, and walking exacerbates or initiates pain for her) for groceries, but G always refuses and says she's busy, she doesn't want to go to the store A wants to go to (she uses this no matter which store A suggests, and refuses to offer any suggestions of her own), she doesn't need anything, etc. A and the other roommates will offer to switch chore tasks or days with her, but she doesn't do them still. They've asked if money is a problem, but she's said no, and they believe her -- her parents are well-off and provide for her 100% of what she needs.

I know this isn't usually a forum for roommate problems, and I can delete if this is off topic, but I've tried so many other forums and people and everyone has the same approach: "G's lying," "G's exaggerating," "G's the b-word," etc. This is a last resort, but I figure this is a place that could offer advice on how A and the other roommates could discuss the issue with G while validating both G's pain as well as the need for respect from G.

Thanks!
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