stuck in reverse (starskye) wrote in vaginapagina,
stuck in reverse

Normal PAP, but HPV?

Hello everyone. I am scared out of my mind right now and just need someone to talk to. I recently went in to get a Nexplanon inserted (which I love, BTW). I also had a Pap test done that same day. The doctor called to tell me that my pap was normal (as it always has been) but because I am over age 30, they also tested for high risk HPV, which it turns out I have. Because of the HPV I am scheduled for a Colposcopy/biopsy next Monday. I'm scared out of my mind. It doesn't make sense that I have a normal PAP, but they want to do biopsies? The doctor said it's because there could have been a false normal pap.
I am heterosexual and married, been with my husband for 8 years In total. I've had normal PAP tests my whole life, but I'm guessing I've had high risk hpv for a long time, whether I got it from him or before him. That part doesn't really matter.
I'm just worried about the procedures. The outcomes, what it means for me. I worry a lot about medical issues. I'm not sure how I am going to live through this colposcopy, or the waiting for results. I nearly make myself sick just worrying about regular pap results. This has hit me like a ton of bricks.
The doctor went over some of the possible outcomes of the biopsies, and one, which was a sort of worst case, was scraping the area off that's bad. I don't know if he was referring to a LEEP? I was so nervous during the call that I couldn't really take it all in. I'm also nervous because I have a cruise planned in September and I don't want to have any sex/ swimming restrictions while I'm on it. I did tell him this, and he assured me that if it came to that we could work around it so that I would be healed by then or do it after the cruise.
I'm sorry if this post sounds a mess. My brain is a mess right now. To top it all off, I have a terrible insurance plan with a high deductible, so none of this new adventure is going to be covered. Whatever the outcome of the biopsies, I will need more frequent follow up testing. Although my pap was normal, my doctor seems pretty convinced that something will be found on the colposcopy, since he keeps talking about biopsies and what they could show. He pretty much explained that it depends on how bad it is as to what will be done. If it is mild, it would be a watch and wait, more frequent PAP tests. If it comes back worse, he will scrape it off., etc etc.

I don't even know who's life I'm living right now. I'm in a state of shock. I have such bad anxiety that I don't think I can go on in this way. I even called a crisis hotline and spoke to someone because I was hysterical and my husband was going to call 911 if I didn't. There is just so much uncertainty and I don't even have the money to pay for this, or the nerve to live through it. I am just talking to all of you so I don't feel so alone right now. I don't know what to do, because of course my insurance doesn't cover visits to a psychiatrist. We live paycheck to paycheck. The cruise we are going on was a gift. But we "make too much money" in terms of financial assistance of any kind.
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