eyeofthebeholder (aesthetic_arete) wrote in vaginapagina,

Should I be worried?

I'm hoping I can get some feedback and advice, and maybe I also just need a place to vent because I'm scared I'm not "normal."

I'm 21 years old. I got my period when I was 11, and used pads throughout middle school because at the time they just seemed intimidating. When I was 14 or 15, I tried to use a tampon for the first time but it was very difficult to insert. I tried it standing with one foot on the toilet, and it didn't go well. My cousin helped me get it in properly but it wasn't comfortable so I took it out. I've kept on using pads ever since, and didn't really think too much of it. Lots of people had told me that they hadn't been able to insert a tampon until after they had had sex, and I'm still a virgin.

Last year, I decided to try tampons again just for the heck of it. I got the OB applicator-less ones, because it was difficult for me to get the Tampax Pearl in. I was able to get the OB in, but it was a very slow process and once it was in it still felt uncomfortable, even after I tried walking around and sitting down for a bit. I did some research online, and it just said I probably didn't have it in all the way. However, I had it in as far as it would go. I tried repositioning it and getting it in farther, it just wouldn't go. I gave up.

Later, after I was off my period, I tried inserting a finger. Again, it was a slow process and it wasn't very comfortable once it was in. I left it in for a few minutes and kind of felt around up there and it didn't really do anything for me.

Fast forward to now, I decided to look into it again. It feels almost like I'm hitting a wall almost as soon as I stick my finger in. It's really uncomfortable. I've managed to get 2 fingers in, but its not at all comfortable and I can't leave them in for long.

I obviously didn't know what it was I was doing then, but I've been masturbating externally since I was a child, like 3 or 4. Externally I feel no pain or anything. I'm able to do kegels fine when I'm actually peeing. When I'm not and I try to do them, I can't hold it for more than a second.

I've tried doing some research online, and all that it shows is vaginismus or an imperforate hymen. I'm terrified. I want to be able to have sex, and have a relationship. I'm scared my vagina isn't normal and will stand in the way of those things.
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