emmakitty (emmakitty) wrote in vaginapagina,

I feel like I don't know my own body anymore!

Hello you fantastic VP-ers! I'm having some issues with sexual happenings and I was hoping some of you awesome peeps could help me.

So basically, I recently bought a new vibrator (the jimmyjane Iconic Smoothie and it's awesome!) and I also recently joined a fetish website (FetLife if anyone knows about it; it's like facebook but for kinky people). Since these two things occurred, some different things have been happening when I masturbate. Lately, when I masturbate I end up with quite a lot of fluid after I orgasm. Like I've stained three separate bedsheets with my cum and I'm a little weirded out by it. I don't know what this fluid is (it's definitely not pee); when it's on my fingers or toys, it's like a milkier version of my natural lubricant, if that makes sense. Also, the new vibe was in addition to the vibe I already had and I seem to have the greatest problems with this when I use one vibrator inside me (though it's turned off) and the other on my clit. I know that some girls 'squirt' or expel fluid when they cum really hard, and I have been having more intense orgasms than usual lately, but it's actually really hard for me to cum! It's not something that happens easily and it's not like I'm so overwhelmed by pleasure that I can't hold on anymore, it's more like I'm crawling up a (definitely pleasurable) mountain. It's still awesome, but it's definitely work. Anyway, I guess my question is, what is happening to me?! Is this normal? Could I have an STD (I do need to get tested and plan to soon)?

Another thing happening is this whole fetish thing; I joined the site partly because I wanted to find kinky people to potentially have sex with, but also because I wanted to find out more about myself . . . but I feel like I'm kind of freaking myself out a bit. Things are turning me on that I didn't think would turn me and I'm just not sure how to proceed with this. Has anyone else had this experience? Do you have any tips on navigating this strange new waters?

The last thing (I promise) is that lately I've been crying after I orgasm. Usually what happens is I will have one or two pretty intense orgasms and then in the afterglow I'll fuck myself with my vibrator. It's during this time that I start to cry, sometimes really hard. I usually stop and try to calm myself down by taking some deep breaths, cuddling a pillow, or sipping water. It doesn't often last very long, but I'm not totally sure why I'm doing it in the first place! Sometimes I think I'm just lonely having had this really intense experience with no one to hold me or rub my back afterwards, but I'm honestly not sure what's happening and I'm worried that I might start to do it after sex with a partner. None of my current partners (they're off and on, so I'm not having sex very consistently) are especially emotionally supportive and I feel like if I started crying after sex with one of them, they would end up really freaked out and I would just end up feeling like a weird person. Has anyone else ever cried after they orgasm, especially if this happens fairly regularly and how do you deal with this? I'm pretty OK dealing with it alone, it's with a partner that I'm worried and I'd really like some insight on why this is occurring in the first place!

Thanks so much everybody and I'm sorry this is such a weird post! I just feel like I was really comfortable with my sexuality and now everything is getting shaken up and I'm not sure how to handle it!
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