I've followed this community for a while and have seen the occasional post asking for advice regarding relationships, so am assuming that's OK, but if it isn't please let me know and I'll happily take this down.
Last week I went out with a new guy. Everything went great, including a small kiss at the end. Two days later we went to a movie together. I am very reserved with physical contact and frankly am not comfortable with it with people I don't know well. He spent the evening initiating hand holding and knee grabbing-and for most, if not all of the hand holding he had to grab me by the arm and physically reposition me to be able to get to my hand because it was nowhere near him. Any efforts made by me to pull away or end the contact resulted in noticeable frustration from him or slightly more effort to get my hand. I didn't feel safe with a verbal "no" for fear that it would cause more anger or force, since trying to pull away was not met well. At the end of the night, in his car on an empty street, he went for a kiss/hug and I purposely avoided his face and just hugged him. He then grabbed me and kissed me anyway, and said "I'll call you" quite huffily as I left.
Immediately after the encounter I was frustrated and slightly confused. As time goes by I am angered by his blatant disrespect, but at the same time almost worried that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. This is a huge red flag, yes?
I wasn't expecting to hear from him again but he has just started messaging me and am not quite sure how to respond. Right now it's just a "cool potential duet!" message (we're both musicians), and at least not a request for more seeing each other.
The main question is just is the grabbing/hand holding as big of a red flag as I'm thinking (right now, I'd say it's a huge red flag and dealbreaker) and any words of wisdom on how to respond to potential messages or requests to see each other again?