Kristy Jackson (Kristy Jackson) wrote in vaginapagina,
Kristy Jackson
Kristy Jackson

porn on boyfriends computer....

so i was cleaning my room which also includes my boyfriends computer desk. somehow his search history pops up and i see all these porn sites... it hurts.

now a little back story:

I've been hurt by almost every guy i've ever met. my father was abusive and was bad about calling me fat and other things. i have really low self esteem because of this. he knows this. he has told me repeatedly that since getting with me, he hasnt gotten himself off, which to be honest, i really didnt care if he did. that was his business and i understood. hell we're both 21 for crying out loud. but he would tell me that im beautiful and he found me attractive and he didnt need that stuff cause he had me.

well lately, he's been really into his gaming and while i usually try to give him some space, it's like hes been avoiding me. we live together so its really apparent. i have to literally seduce him to have sex with me, and when we do... its like he doesnt really enjoy it. we never go out and do anything anymore, hell we live together and hardly spend any time with each other.

i dont understand.... he's told me he loves me and he wants to be with me but.... why wont he touch me anymore? why doenst he want me? why am i not good enough??? and most of all, WHY did he lie about it.... he has multiple sites for video porn, even been on facebook pics of girls that are in their underwear... i dont think he's cheating but it still hurts...

now i feel like everything he's said to me, about loving me, me being beautiful... i feel like its all one big lie. idk what to do here.... im going to talk to him when he gets home but please.... does anyone have advice? i still dont mind that he does it, i cant be mad at him for it but im really really fucking hurt... he's all i have left and now i feel like he doesnt even want me..
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