Hi VPers, I hope I’m following all the rules, please let me know if I need to edit anything. I’m looking for advice on dating, with chronic vaginal pain.
I’ve had vulvar vestibulitus for the past seven years, and I’ve tried different treatments but nothing’s changed. I consider myself lucky, in a way, because it only hurts during and after sex, not all the time. Sex is painful, it’s not fun, and sadly over the past few years I’ve lost all libido and desire to have sex (or do anything remotely sexual).
My boyfriend, who I’ve been with since the diagnosis, and I have decided to split up. Only a small part of the reason is that we don’t match sexually – he’s extremely sexual, and even though he’s been very understanding and supportive of my condition, I have no libido or desire to do anything – kiss, give him a hand job or blow job, etc. It doesn't help that I don’t like being touched in a sexual way anymore at all. (I wish I could see a therapist because there’s definitely something going on in my head due to this condition L If we try something even slightly sexual, like rubbing my breasts or sucking my neck, I start getting a very angry/aggressive emotional response, then I feel very sad when we stop – but that’s a question for another day).
Sadly, I’m terrified of dating with this condition! I’ve thought about initially telling guys I’m celibate til marriage, but I know at some point I will need to let a few know. I’m afraid of flirting or even acting sexual and misleading someone. I’m afraid of telling the wrong person and having them say something to someone I wouldn't want to know. I’m afraid of trying to have sex with someone who I might feel turned on by, only to have it hurt like heck and the awkwardness that might follow.
I want to find a husband one day, so I know I need to date. Do you have any advice, tips or suggestions for me?