I'm a transsexual man. I had pretty extreme dysphoria for everything down there and never penetrated myself in anyway, including tampons or with sexual partners. I'm 21 now and while I had sex the first time at 13, I've never used the front hole. However lately, anal sex is becoming difficult due to health issues and it's kind of a bummer for me and my boyfriend of almost two years. So we decided to try vaginal. Starting with fingers and where I tried to penetrate myself as well to warm shit up down there.
But whenever he sticks it in it feels like he's hitting a wall. It's fine, only kind of sore, for like 3 inches in but then it's like BAM. His head is hitting some kind of wall and it hurts like hell. After the first times I imagined maybe it was just cause I was nervous and dysphoric and well, I even cried so clearly it didn't work too well. But then we tried again yesterday, when I was really horny and wet and not stressed or nervous or anything and it... still hit a wall. And it's not just me, my boyfriend too says that it feels like the head of his penis is hitting a unpenetrable wall. What is this? :/ Is there something wrong with me physically? I feel like for most people it's the initial penetration that hurts, right? Not something 3 inches in?
I should maybe mention that I've had some sort of infection or STD for years now, if that can change anything at all. I've gotten bloodtests to check for HIV and herpes, though. I thought for sure it was herpes, but it didn't show up on tests so. I've had this STD/infection since I was 14, so maybe it has fucked things up internally? My friend bought me a cream to use in case it's a yeast infection so I'm trying that now. I don't really think an STD can cause a wall to appear internally, though.
Oh, and I can't really go the doctor because the people who treat my transsexualism have acsess to all my records(i don't know how, but they have gotten classified info from my doc before) and wanting to have vaginal sex is considered to be contraindicatory to getting treatment. Hence why I'm not seeing a doctor about my STD beyond getting a blood test anonymously on a health clinic. That, and I'm living as a man only and it's terrible and awful to see anyone about something like that.
Thanks a lot in advance.