Elizabeth McCoy (archangelbeth) wrote in vaginapagina,
Elizabeth McCoy

Anon Post: Concern about abusive situations

As people hopefully know, VP maintainers/moderators will post anonymously for other. I'm not technically a VP maintainer (because I sometimes have to flake out and curl up under a rock for a few days), but I am also happy to help out and post for someone!

And, as the maintainers would say, Thank you for trusting VP enough to share your story. We're honored to have you here, and we hope you receive kind thoughts and the help and information you're seeking.

They'd also say, This is just a quick note to remind readers that VP has some guidelines for responding to posts about sexual abuse or assault. VP is fabulous because of its members. We appreciate your sensitivity and understanding when responding here. :)

Basically I want to know if this actually happens or if I am just a special
breed of special snow flakes? I mean... After doing a lot of therapy and
suffering more than my fair hare of mental illness I have accepted that I
have been either raped or sexually molested by 90% of the men that have had
come in contact with me that way. That... Is a total of 4 out of 6 guys and
one of those fabulous other 2 was physically and verbally abusive to me
(not slightly either... He broke my nose once and took a blade to my skin
many times even of I didn't want to cut at those times). So I am currently
dating the ONLY man who hasn't ever forced his touch on me or hit me or
stuck anything in my body that I didn't want.

This hurt... Admitting to it has left me distraught and sad. I used to
play it off, like meh it was nothing and like there was nothing wrong with
those relationships but looking back at my life and my history with self
loathing it's RIGHT there. The worst part? I dated two of these men or
YEARS and eventually I just gave in, let them do what they wanted and I
just laid there... Swallowing pain and hurt and pretended to like it...
Some times I even did. I actually really loved being physically abused
because he was on antidepressants and at least he couldn't get it up...
Which meant he couldn't force THAT on me. And one of them clearly was
hurting me.... Even when I finally managed to say 'no' out loud to him (I
rarely did, mind you with the others) he used his height and weight
advantage against me... And I went back to him for more -.-

I am pathetic, aren't I? I mean you're supposed to go through sexual abuse
only once by one person and know better not... 5 different people abusing
you... That just doesn't happen, does it?

Maybe I do just look for it... Maybe I secretly like it because it makes no
sense otherwise. I've been crying on and off about this for a couple of
days. How could I be so stupid and let this happen to me over and over

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