So the societal (bullshit) "standard" of large labia major that covers the labia minora is supposed to the "ideal," the "everybody looks like this," right? Well that's what I have. Great, right? I fit the standard ideal (in that one specific area, anyway), isn't that fabulous?
So WHY is there not a single pair of underwear in the world made for me? The gusset and that inner lining that is supposed to do… what, catch our regular everyday discharge? Yeah, it stops anywhere from 2 to 4 inches away from where I need it, sometimes only coming as far forward as the middle of my vagina so that there is NO FREAKING WAY it is catching my everyday discharge. Also, do you know how uncomfortable it is to always be sitting on the front seam of that lining? Forget bike riding with it!
Menstrual pads with wings? Almost never come forward far enough for me. I have to wear extra-long pads just to be able to bleed on the front 10% of it, and to account for that random time where I sit just right (or wrong) and it opens my labia for the blood to flow straight down. And because I wear cloth ones, they move around too much to use them without wings most of the time, especially because apparently the gold standard of underwear these days (even for bigger girls who need more support) is flimsy material that stretches so much as to not hold a pad or pantyliner in place without wings.
And what is it with this craze in women's Big Gurl/Plus Sized underwear for the gusset to only be wide enough to cover ONE outer labia and not both at the same time? The leg holes are wide enough that if the gusset was properly wide the legs would be the perfect size, but instead I've got this gaping area where nothing is covered, nothing is being absorbed or wicked away, and I'm starting to wonder why I'm wearing that extra layer at all anymore since it can't even hold a pantyliner in place. Of course anything more specialized is going to be Gods-awful expensive, too!
Underwear made "for men" the boxer-brief style is about the only thing that has the extra layers in the right place for me, but a) I LIKE cute underwear, b) I can't stand that it has so much extra material in front I'm not using because it bunches funny under my leggings, and c) never enough in the back for my butt. Plus they never come down far enough to keep my thighs from chafing anyway, so the legs just ride up and now I have the entirety of a field of cotton bunched up in my crotch. I found some in the section made for women years ago that had the front-flap like those boxers briefs, back when "boy shorts" became a thing, and they were like the most perfect underwear of all time. Too bad the next season they dipped down so far in the front (because that was also low-rise jeans season) that they literally didn't cover my mons entirely let alone support my now-FATabulous lower belly. That's been fixed, but now we're into the flimsy material thing so even though the area is covered, it's not exactly supported.
And don't' even get me started on BRAS.
This post brought to you by the letter 2, and the number C, as in CAFFEINE! Everybody now, give me your obnoxious underwear stories. Let's commiserate and maybe someone will know of a solution to one of these situations, eh?