Andrea (fushigi_na_chou) wrote in vaginapagina,

Fear of false pregnancy

Okay, so this post might be a little weird, but I need a little encouragement (and I'm slightly too embarrassed to ask any of my close female friends who would like be supportive, but yeah). I'm at this stage in my life where everyone around me is getting engaged, married, or pregnant, and updating their Facebook statuses about it. Last night, I attended a party at a friend's, where she and her boyfriend announced their recently discovered pregnancy. All of these things are sort of ganging up with my own brain and biological clock, because I'm actually very ready to get engaged/married myself (I'm in a very committed and wonderful relationship with my boyfriend of two years, and the only thing keeping us from being "officially" engaged is a ring) and start making babies. Like, I really, really want a baby, and I am so paranoid that I'm going to psych myself into a false pregnancy or something, which would be super embarrassing.

My boyfriend and I use FAM as our main birth control method, as well as condoms as a backup during my fertile window. This month was a little strange for some reason -- I ovulated five days after my period ended, which isn't necessarily that early, just the earliest that I've ever ovulated since I've started charting. Additionally, I'm 15 days past ovulation, which, again, isn't necessarily anything out of the ordinary, it's just the longest my luteal phase has ever been. On top of that, I have this weird dip in my temperature on 8 days past ovulation, which could be one of those rare implantation dips, or it could be absolutely nothing. Like, cognitively, I know all this stuff, I keep telling myself, "calm down, you're gonna stress yourself out and probably cause something weird or embarrassing to happen" but there is this obnoxious other voice that sounds hopeful that maybe there will be an accidental baby, and I keep trying to shut it up.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. As seems to be the pattern, I'm going to hit submit on this post, and my period will probably start in an hour (actually, probably not, since my temperatures haven't started dropping at all, which is another problem since I'm looking at that and interpreting that as something, but honestly, I don't even think I was having sex on that week of my period or the few days after, so it's ridiculous to even think there's a baby in there, right??? Ugh). Has anyone else ever experienced this? Conflicting "I want a baby, and even though it's probably not possible considering my intercourse pattern, etc. maybe there's something in there but oh no, don't think too hard because maybe you'll cause yourself to be falsely pregnant" thoughts? Ugh, please tell me I'm not totally abnormal with this. Please just send me a virtual pat on the head and a kind note or something. D:

You guys are awesome.
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