...... (dancez_vousavec) wrote in vaginapagina,

Questions about consent, kinks, and orgasm

Hello lovely VPers I was hoping maybe some of you could answer a few questions for me. On Friday I ended up sleeping with this guy and it was great except that randomly near the end he just stuck his (unlubed) finger in my rectum. I'm all for anal with a trusted partner, but he did not ask me and I was shocked. So now for my questions:

1. He didn't ask for consent before he did this and I did tell him afterwards that "consent is sexy". How do I go about bringing up what I'm comfortable with? I could see from his side it was a "heat of the moment" type of thing. However, I don't consider him a trusted partner yet and would like to refrain from that until I am more comfortable with him. Last night he asked me about choking and I told him that was a no go because I have a history of domestic violence in my past. He then said things got awkward because we were talking about kinks and then I out of nowhere bring that up. Is it weird to bring something like that up? I'm a honest person, so I didn't find it "weird". He did say to tell him about anything that could make me uncomfortable and that he wouldn't do it.

2. Anal sex is one of his favorite things. I am comfortable with it, but how do I go about being more comfortable with it with him? I have never done it before and I don't want him to jump the gun one day and force his way in. He's a very caring partner, but after the finger incident I could potentially see him getting too excited. Also how do I get more comfortable with his other kinks? It's a new world to me and I find watching porn in those areas seems so fake and sometimes demeaning. I would like to try new things, but only ones that I'm comfortable with.

3. He said he never orgasms during sex. This is okay except that means he likes to have sex for extended periods of time. I can only go so long before I get sore. On Friday we took breaks and stuff, but he was still ready to go. Does anyone have any tips on helping him to orgasm? I feel bad telling him I can't do it anymore when he's still amped up. He says he gets off on his partner getting off, but I feel like it takes him a lot to get off. I also would like him to get off quicker because I feel weird orgasming multiple times before he's even half way there. So any tips, tricks, or experiences with this is greatly appreciated!

Thank you VPers for your help and advice! I hope you all have a swell Monday.
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