kitkatcat (kitkatcat) wrote in vaginapagina,

Sex and Relationship Problems

Ok, so, let me start off by first saying this question is for anyone in any type of sexual/long term-ish relationship. I just need a little insight.

Some background: I have been dating this person for a little over a year now. Sweetest man ever, very kind, caring. Always pays attention to my worries, needs and fears, and is in no way emotionally distant. I am his first sexual partner. I love them to pieces and really want to find a solution to a problem I am having.

The issue is that my boyfriend is excellent at regularly doing oral sex, but he never wants to do vaginal sex. Ever. I asked him if he will ever have the same drive for it as I do, and he has said no. He only does it to make me happy. He states that this is mostly because of his fears of pregnancy, we are both 20 and not ready for a child, and because he simply doesn't enjoy it as much. He has never finished when we have vaginal intercourse. It is only ever done because I ask.

My problem is that I feel this terrible guilt about not being "happy enough" with the sexual aspect of our relationship, especially because he says he would do it to make me happy. Every time we do oral he satisfies me and I him, but I feel like I must be doing something wrong when it comes to vaginal sex. That or maybe I just look strange or ugly. Or he just does not have that passionate drive. I would say we average having sex about once every 2 months.

I have spoken with him about it a lot, I have explained that it is important to me to get that mutual connection. That it makes me feel wanted. I have even told him that JUST the thought of him so much as wanting to do it with me would be enough... but his response is that he just doesn't want to. He in turn questions me, asking why I get so sad. At one point he called me a nymphomaniac because I get sad when we don't do it. He tried to say it nicely, but it made me irritated and upset. He apologized saying the wording was wrong, but it stung and I have spent many nights depressed and sad over this whole situation.

What should I do? Has anyone had similar problems with any of their partners? Everything else is ok. But this makes me feel like someone to be pitied in the relationship. Someone who is desperate. And I hate it.

Any insight from anyone is welcome. Thanks to everyone.

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