Merdie (merdie801) wrote in vaginapagina,

problems with both partner orgasming

hello! this is my first time posting, but i've been a long time reader and love how helpful everyone is here, so i hope i can get some help, good advice, get pointed in the right direction, etc.

i guess i'll put this behind a cut, but in short, i have a new boyfriend and we both have problems with achieving orgasm

just for background info, i met my boyfriend via online dating. we talked for 6 months before meeting and never once had any discussion of sex. but i'm happy to say that once we met in person, we clicked instantly and have really good sexual chemistry. he always makes sure i'm comfortable with anything we do and stops immediately if i ask him to (sometimes he gets very rough with me if i ask him to...i'm a sub in bed) but he is also very romantic and sweet and we have very open communication when it comes to what feels good, stuff we'd like to try, etc...

however...he is still a virgin and has never been able to have an orgasm from masturbation or another partner. the only way he can is wet dreams. i'm not a virgin, but i've never had an orgasm from a partner doing anything to me...oral sex, manual stimulation, intercourse...nothing. but i can orgasm from masturbation. just for the record, he's 26 and i'm 24, and we're both in good health and all that good stuff. i would like to have sex with him, but he feels self conscious over not being able to orgasm, and this has caused problems in his other relationships. but i do really care about him and we have fun doing other sex acts and they feel good for both of us, so it doesn't bother me that much, i guess?

i think the problem for both of us is how we were raised to view sex. i have a good bit of guilt attached to sex due to being christian and being told sex was wrong outside of marriage from a young age. this is something that my mother still talks to me about and i don't feel like i can talk to her about anything related to sex. i've also kind of been shamed by my friends in the past when i told them some of my sexual fantasies (domination, rape, etc). my boyfriend wasn't raised in a religious household, but he was still raised to think that sex was a shameful thing. so we both have a good bit of sexual repression and i feel alot of guilt over it.

so i guess what i really want to ask is if anyone could maybe point me in the right direction as to how to fix this? we both feel comfortable with each other and communicate openly about how to fix this. we never fool around with the idea that intercourse or an orgasm for either of us is the goal. but still...we'd really like to be able to give each other an orgasm. we realize that putting pressure on each other and making a big deal about neither one of us being able to orgasm will only make the problem worse. we would like to seek professional help from a counselor/sex therapist, but that would be expensive and neither of our families would approve.

ahhh i hope that wasn't all senseless rambling and it makes some sense. any and all advice, insight, personal experience, or anything would be greatly appreciated!
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