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for the VP Team
This could get long.
I am 40 next month, and last week I found out I am pregnant. This is my 6th pregnancy. I have 6 kids, who range from 21 to 14, yes, there are twins in there.
I have decided I do not want to STAY pregnant, but because I don't agree with abortions I am having a difficult time standing firm with my decision to terminate.
Things I have read, and I am aware I am in denial, seem to be geared towards younger people who make this choice, and not older women who have completed their family. Don't get me wrong, I've been there, done that, and pregnancy/birth/motherhood doesn't scare me.
Having a baby would wreck the lifestyle I have now. I feel very selfish for thinking this way, but I like being able to do what I want, when I want. I realise babies are portable and all that, I just don't want to do it all over again.
I don't have much in the way of support this time. This pregnancy being most definitely an accident with condoms that came off. (Several got wedged up there and needed fishing out). The sperm donor has specified HE isn't ready for a child, so I cannot rely on him [at this present time]. He was a FWB so I wouldn't expect any support from him. He says he wont tell me what to do, and I appreciate that. My mum wouldn't be supportive, though my 18yo daughter would be. My family hasn't been told. One of my 20yo sons is expecting his first baby a month before my pregnancy would be due.
I also realise that without the baby daddy around, things would be easier..but at the same time, harder. Things like how to get to hospital when labour starts being a biggy. I'd be tempted to give birth at home, coz I know I *can.*
Already I have severe sciatica that hinders my ability to sit, and stand up easily (can I handle another 8 months of that?) while my blood pressure has already dropped to my 'usual' pregnancy numbers and I'm getting light headed. I know I get horribly engorged painful breasts when milk comes in, and I am/was prone to mastitis. Buuuttt... I also know that my other babies put on a pound a month solely on breast milk.
Do any other members have advice about well..what to do? (I understand that at the end it will be MY decision), but no one else I know has been in this situation: older mother, almost grown family.
Lots of pros and cons here, and I am about 85% certain I *will* go through with it. I'm booked in for next Thursday.
Which brings me to the second part.
Do Australian clinics offer counselling? I'm a bit shocked at the speed in which everything was organised. I just made the appointment, and no questions were asked. Do they ask them at the clinic? Given that I definitely don't want more kids (this has impressed on me THAT finality) do I really need the blood tests? (Yes, they will probably cover all this next week)
I don't want to watch the scan - I don't think I could go through with it if I see 'life.' Will they tell me how far I am, scan wise? Will they mention how many are in there? Because I've had twins, I have to wonder if THIS time there are twins again.
I've been reading up on what to expect after a termination, and this particular page (http://www.afterabortion.com/physical.html) has me worried. Specifically the part about clots. Normally for me, I get big juicy clots during a period. How will I be able to differentiate between normal, and abnormal? I also usually get wicked period pains, again how can I judge if its BAD? (logically I think I'll 'know') Most pages say don't use tampons, but are cups ok? I'd like to be able to judge bleeding more accurately than 'soaking a pad.'
Advice would be welcomed.