Moon (velkoria) wrote in vaginapagina,

Just a 'does anyone ever feel the same as me' post.

I take birth control pills and have my off week of hell (I don't do good with hormones and the change of taking them to having my off week makes me a little unstable, or a lot unstable) every month coming on two years now. I am very diligent with them and it's rare for me to take them more than a few hours apart ever single night. I have missed one or two pills before but never more than one in a month. The thing I hate about this (more than the hormonal madness) is knowing the EXACT day I am meant to get my period. I get it the Sunday after stopping my pills (usually the fourth day of my off week) and sometimes it comes in the morning and then sometimes it messes with me and decides "hey, maybe Monica will go REALLY anxious if I don't come until late at night!". And boy do I freak out. This is what I hate the most about my pills and knowing the dates of things to perfection. I get so paranoid that Saturday before my period starts I sometimes can't sleep too well. 

So, does anyone else get like this? I just guess it's good to know other people feel the same way. My doctor did suggest that I don't take my off week actually off and just start my new pack early (I can do this since where I live you don't need a prescription for bc) but then I spoke to my shrink about it and he actually asked me if I would feel better not having my period at all and I realized that no, I'd feel worse because then not only would I change a routine (I have issues with that) but it'd mean that I wouldn't have visual 'okay' that I am not pregnant. I know this is silly but this is how my silly brain works. 

Oh and before anyone asks an unplanned pregnancy for me right now would NOT mean the end of the world. I mean, sure I'd have to buckle down a whole lot and money would be tight but it's not like I wouldn't have a place to stay or anything. I guess mostly the anxiety comes from it being unplanned. I have issues with plans and schedules that make me extremely anxious. This is where the anxiety is coming from and not from the act of BEING pregnant. It's actually the idea of reprogramming my life that scares me. 
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