Julia (horsemanure) wrote in vaginapagina,

Non-functional clit?

Hello VPers!

It's been a while since I've been here, but I've run into a conundrum. Here's a bit of background, hopefully in a nutshell:

After a long history of religious turmoil and sexual assault, I had vaginismus before ever losing my virginity (hello, vicious cycle of pain), and then got raped. I've been in therapy for a couple of years now, and I'm doing much better (in fact, today for the first time ever I got a (small) dildo all the way in my vagina with no pain! Hurray!). I can orgasm without a problem with clit stimulation, and what I've done to work on the penetration part of it and stretching my vagina out is when I masturbate by essentially grinding on a dildo, when I'm almost to climax I'll put it in as far as I'm comfortable for a split second and then take it out, then continue on with my clit action.

Back when I was actually having PIV sex with a guy (actually, the guy who raped me, long story), we would only have PIV sex for a few minutes at most because I would have to stop due to being rubbed raw, despite using extra lube. Basically, the penis would go in and I would no longer be aroused at all. No matter how vigorously I tried - using my fingers, his fingers, a vibrator - as soon as there was a penis in me, my clit had no reaction. I brushed it off to anxiety, pain, and all sorts of sensations that were happening and figured it would go away with the anxiety and pain.

Fast forward to today when I got the dildo in. I didn't try to masturbate with it in me - as normal, I got it in, left it there for a second, then pulled it out. However! After I pulled it out, I was still aroused but less so (understandably since for a minute or so I wasn't stimulating myself), but when I went to rub my clit again, for a good 5 minutes or so it was like I couldn't feel anything with it. Nothing. After 5 minutes the feeling slowly started coming back and I did finally orgasm, but it was probably less than what it would have been before because it was like my sensitivity was decreased. It wasn't numb or anything, it was just... I was rubbing/touching it and I probably would have felt more rubbing my belly.

Has this happened to anyone? I'm worried that there's something neurological going on. I'm going to mention it to my therapist, of course, but I also wanted to get some input from others before heading to a doctor.
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