So I've had a very low libido for ... about a year now? Maybe more? At first I was chocking it up to my birth control (and I won't be able to rule that out until I get a Mirena sometime in/after January), but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm getting in my own way. I'm 26 and in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half. No STDs or past trauma that could be contributing to this issue. In addition to my sex drive being basically nothing, I find that when we are getting intimate, I don't get as wet, which we have remedied using a lubricant. Now I find the issue is that PIV sex is very uncomfortable, almost painful. It feels like my vagina just doesn't want anything in it (but only when it comes to PIV). Manual and oral stimulation usually work, but more and more I'm finding that I have to stop him because it's just like I can tell an orgasm isn't going to happen? I realize an orgasm doesn't always have to be the goal of sex, but it's become pleasurable in the same way that a weak massage is pleasurable. Sure, it could be a little better, but it's alright as it is too. And it's nothing to do with my boyfriend's skill. When we first met, we had sex several times a day, and then it decreased when I went on birth control, and now, thinking about sex feels like such a chore.
So I don't know how to get out of my head and stop getting in my way. It's frustrating, because I'm never in the mood to begin with, but even when I allow making out to turn into foreplay, all I can think is, "Well, I hope it works this time. I hope my vagina is willing to cooperate. I hope this doesn't turn into a one-side thing where only he gets to finish, or worse, where neither of us gets to."
I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's some stress or exhaustion playing a part (I don't really feel either of those things). There have been changes in our work schedules so that we only get two whole days a week to spend together when one of us isn't either working or sleeping, but these issues have been present since before these changes. We've talked about it together so many times, but I almost wonder if we're talking about it too much. In the end I just feel guilty for not even wanting to think about sex, let alone have it. Help?? :(