I’m biologically female, but recently I’ve started feeling more and more less like a ‘girl.’ I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which in my case, means more body hair, no menstruation, and a hormone imbalance. That’s not the only reason I feel the way I do, but I’m sure it plays some part. I took generic birth control as a hormone adjustment, but it gave me worse periods than even my normal ones, back when I had them. I quit taking it after a year or so, and don't really want to continue.
I stopped feeling like a ‘girl’ when I was in high school, and I slowly began to work my way into being more or less gender fluid. I got mistaken for male on several occasions, but it never really bothered me. I don’t exactly want to be male, specifically, I just don’t feel like I’m female. I've not asked people to change the way they talk to me; I'm still 'she' and 'her,' but I'm not really as concerned with pronouns as my FtM friend who's still transitioning.
I guess what I’m really trying to get at is that ‘genderqueer’ isn’t really… what I hoped it would be. It's the best one that fits, but it still rubs me the wrong way. 'Gender fluid' isn't exactly that, either... and 'genderless' implies a lack of something, even though I feel like I have too much of whatever this is.
I’ve done research and tried different ideas, picked them apart and wondered what they meant to me. I went down the list of categories and threw out ones that didn't fit, and tried to mold ones that did, but I was just left empty-handed.
I read Kate Bornstein’s ‘My Gender Workbook,’ (which is awesome and I think everyone should at least consider reading it) but then I just ended up questioning myself even more, and changing the answers to the questions I already had, which made them change into something else entirely… And I’m still at a loss.
I want something solid, something someone can understand without an explanation. I know that’s asking a bit more than some of society feels is appropriate, but… I don’t know.
TL;DR: OP is confused and actually wants a label, but doesn’t know if any fit her anyway.