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for the VP Team
I had a boyfriend awhile ago and I was madly in love with him. We stopped having sex toward the end of our relationship, partly because sometimes I just couldn't be bothered or was too tired and sometimes because it really started to hurt... down there. I'm not sure why it started hurting - I have had sexual partners before him and never had the issue before. We broke up for many reasons and the break-up absolutely shocked and crushed me and I haven't dated, or been with anyone sexually, since.
I went and got a pap smear - all clear - and got an ultrasound done and they confirmed that there was nothing wrong with me as far as they could see (endometriosis, etc.). I haven't seen a specialist. It still hurts sometimes when I use tampons and stuff, but not when they're inside me or anything, just upon the initial entry into my vagina. What's wrong with me? I feel like a freak. It confuses and embarrasses me so much I want to cry. I pretty much avoid relationships now because I'm worried it's going to hurt me like it started to toward the end of my relationship and because I'm terrified I'll get destroyed emotionally by someone again. If doctors can't see anything wrong with me, did I grow out of my feelings for my boyfriend somewhere along the line? Am I now afraid of sex or something? Asexual? Is something wrong with my brain?