It's been a while. I hope everyone's enjoying the summer (or cold weather, if you're south of the equator!).
There's a problem I've been dealing with since I was a weeeee little one. It's not a physical reaction, just a psychological one.
I think I have a problem with pregnancy and children, or rather people assuming I will have kids.
My sister got pregnant at a young age, and because of our huge age difference, I was only 7. It totally freaked me out, because I saw how upset my parents were and how it just felt alien like something growing in her body without her consent. It gives me the heebeejeebies just thinking about it.
So every time someone tells me something along the lines of, "Hey, you'll want them when you find the right person!" my first reaction is always to want to slug them. Seriously. I get anxiety, and a physical repulsion to the idea. I get really angry about them assuming that, and immediately get upset (which sucks, because I don't want to be upset!).
But... left to my own devices, when I get to chill and imagine my adult like with my boyfriend, I sometimes think how cute it would be to have a youngling running around.
Then... as soon as someone insinuates that I will have kids, I go back to not wanting them anymore. And it's kind of a constant tug-of-war.
Anyone else relate? I wonder if I'm pregnancy-phobic! This problem has gotten worse ever since I've become more religious and more "traditional" people always assume you'll want to procreate and fill the world with more believers. :/