madamoisellesss (madamoisellesss) wrote in vaginapagina,

No pelvic exam, no birth control?

Behind the cut for some uncomfortable molestation-related stuff.

I'm nineteen, and live in Canada. I've been on the Nuva Ring for a year now, on account of having a completely unreliable period (it would happen after 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 week, 8 weeks, etc.) and have been sexually active with one partner for 10 months (my boyfriend of two years. Both of us were virgins, and have had no other genital to genital contact with anyone else. Disease and infection free.) We're committed to one another for the long term, and are just looking to get a little further in school (I'm midway through my degree) and careers (my boyfriend has a degree already) and looking into securing a place to live (investing in a property), then plan to be engaged and eventually married.

Last week, I went to my GP to get my prescription renewed. They had no space in the schedule to give me a physical until September, so it was just to renew my prescription. She gave me a prescription until September, and told me that I would be obligated to get a pelvic exam at my next physical, or she would no longer prescribe me any form of birth control no matter my issue.

I was never told when she originally offered me birth control that I would be obligated to have a yearly pelvic exam. I've always been told that while it's good to start pelvic exams as soon as one is sexually active, that the recommended age has been 21 (or at least in the states.)

I was molested several times by another female peer when I was eleven. The situation in which this occurred was very much like an 'inspection' of my body (strangely similar to the pelvic exam set up. On my back type thing) there was also a lot of criticism of my physical appearance in that region. Suffice to say, I am very uncomfortable talking about it, and have not sought therapy for it because I emotionally don't feel ready to talk to just anyone about this. I recently told my boyfriend, who was completely understanding (and absolutely livid that I should have ever had to experience something like that). As we had no sexual experience prior to each other, we've done a lot of learning together, and while I did allow him to go down on me a couple of times for the sake of experiencing it, the discomfort and distress I felt while under 'scrutiny' and being on my back was absolutely unbearable. I've burst into tears during it, although at the time he had no idea why, and straight out refused it under the guise of 'not enjoying it'. Recently, after this appointment with my doctor and explaining to him why I am so uncomfortable to have this procedure done, he asked to try going down on me again. It wasn't that he was terrible at it, because he really isn't, I just held it together barely and finally broke down into tears and hyperventilating.

We've had an incidence of breast cancer in our family, but no cervical cancer anywhere, and not even false positives. I am disease free, as is my boyfriend, and we use condoms along with the Nuva Ring (having only gone without a condom once.) I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable to have a woman put me in that same position again, and would experience incredible distress. Even with someone I trust implicitly (my boyfriend) the discomfort I feel is traumatizing. I told my doctor that I am extremely uncomfortable and distressed about the exam, but she reiterated that she would refuse me a prescription if I didn't undergo it.

I understand that some might say 'well, if you're not ready to undergo a pelvic exam then you're not ready for sex/birth control' but in my defense, I've been raised by a family in health care and was never told that in order to have birth control you require a pelvic exam, and the doctor never said this to me either. I am not emotionally capable of undergoing this exam at this point in time, and I wanted to know if anyone has experience in this or if there are any other alternatives.

Thank you so, so much.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who responded so quickly. I feel like I'm battling the system on this one, and it's very frightening and distressing. I can't thank you all enough for your advice and kind words.

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