Welcome to our weekly links round-up. The LRU is a compilation of items from the past week that may be of interest to VPers and is intended to broaden the kinds of conversations we have here. To submit articles to the round-up, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org
As a reminder, in lieu of trigger warnings, I use keywords describing the themes of the piece. Please skim these before deciding to read the excerpt or click through for the full article. Outside sources are not safe spaces, and mainstream source's comments should almost always be avoided. The links I highlight don't necessarily reflect VP's views, or even my own, for that matter.
This week's round-up includes: I don't own my child's body; preparing for the trans* baby boom; why women still can't have it all; Olympics crackdown on sex work is dangerous for sex workers; the art of saying "no": refusing the social contract; internalized transmisogyny and the body ideal; the Lesbian Herstory Archives
- I don't own my child's body at CNN (Keywords: US, abuse, family dynamics, bodily autonomy, parenting)
Ordering children to kiss or hug an adult they don't want to touch teaches them to use their body to please you or someone else in authority or, really, anyone.
"The message a child gets is that not only is another person's emotional state their responsibility but that they must also sacrifice their own bodies to buoy another's ego or satisfy their desire for love or affection," said Lehr.
- Preparing for the Trans Baby Boom at RH Reality Check (Keywords: US, trans*, pregnancy, child birth, parenting, doulas, midwives)
Within the needs of trans people in pregnancy and birth is the challenge of addressing what seems like an obvious connection: between pregnancy and femaleness. Trans people are often neglected in the arena of pregnancy and birth because of the strongly-held notion that only female-identified people experience pregnancy and birth. While not all trans people, whether they were assigned female at birth or not, can experience pregnancy (because of infertility or hysterectomy), some can and do, prompting the need for our pregnancy and birth providers to accommodate.
- Why Women Still Can't Have it All at The Atlantic (Keywords: US, parenting, work, Feminism, government)
All my life, I’d been on the other side of this exchange. I’d been the woman smiling the faintly superior smile while another woman told me she had decided to take some time out or pursue a less competitive career track so that she could spend more time with her family. I’d been the woman congratulating herself on her unswerving commitment to the feminist cause, chatting smugly with her dwindling number of college or law-school friends who had reached and maintained their place on the highest rungs of their profession. I’d been the one telling young women at my lectures that you can have it all and do it all, regardless of what field you are in. Which means I’d been part, albeit unwittingly, of making millions of women feel that they are to blame if they cannot manage to rise up the ladder as fast as men and also have a family and an active home life (and be thin and beautiful to boot). ...
Women of my generation have clung to the feminist credo we were raised with, even as our ranks have been steadily thinned by unresolvable tensions between family and career, because we are determined not to drop the flag for the next generation. But when many members of the younger generation have stopped listening, on the grounds that glibly repeating “you can have it all” is simply airbrushing reality, it is time to talk.
- Olympics crackdown on sex trade condemned by Stop the Arrests at SOURCE (Keywords: UK, work, sex work, Olympics, police)
raids and closures of premises have resulted in arbitrary arrests, detention and deportation of people working in the sex industry. The letter says: "This creates a climate of fear among workers, leaving them less likely to report crimes against them and more vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. It is an inadequate response to sex work and to trafficking."
- The art of “no,” continued: Saying no when you’ve already said yes. at Captain Awkward (Keywords: rape culture, social contract, being a bitch )
Imagine you’re at a party. A guy offers you a drink. You say no. He says “Come on, one drink!” You say “no thanks.” Later, he brings you a soda. “I know you said you didn’t want a drink, but I was getting one for myself and you looked thirsty.” For you to refuse at this point makes you the asshole. He’s just being nice, right? Predators use the social contract and our own good hearts and fear of being rude against us. If you drink the drink, you’re teaching him that it just takes a little persistence on his part to overcome your “no.” If you say “Really, I appreciate it, but no thanks” and put the drink down and walk away from it, you’re the one who looks rude in that moment. But the fact is, you didn’t ask for the drink and you don’t want the drink and you don’t have to drink it just to make some guy feel validated.
- Is He Checking Me Out, Or Just Staring At The Freak? Self-Consciousness And Self-Oppression at Sincerely, Natalie Reed (Keywords: trans*, trans women, beauty, internalized transphobia, internalized sexism)
I’m still flattered every time someone says something suggesting it didn’t occur to them that I was trans.
How fucked up is that? That I’ve internalized hatred of what I am so much that despite devoting myself to fighting that hatred in our culture, I still ultimately am just starving for the tiniest hint that someone might see me as something other than the awful, shameful, disgusting, lesser, hateful, ridiculous, pathetic, deceptive thing I am?
How fucked is it that the best my awareness of this as internalized transphobia has accomplished is adding self-hatred of my self-hatred to my self-hatred?
- The Lesbian Herstory Archives: A Constant Affirmation That You Exist at Autostraddle (Keywords: US, lesbian, queer, history, feel-good)
co-founder Deborah Edel jokes that "anything that was written by a lesbian, or, we joke, anything that was touched by a lezzie, we want to collect."
And that is what is really beautiful about the Archives. The women who founded it were not all librarians, and they were not looking to catalogue "famous" lesbians only. They wanted to save the voices from everyone in the lesbian community. They wanted to hear from me and from you. They wanted to hear from everyone so they could speak to all of us.
What have you been reading (or writing!) this week?