(Pride) (ugh_pride) wrote in vaginapagina,

New to everything

I hope this post isn't too disjointed and makes sense. I have no idea where to begin without making it novel-length.

These past 10 months have really changed me- 3 close deaths, a million stresses with my sister and some friends and my job, my ill mother threatening suicide a few times, etc. I had to go on antidepressants or kill myself. I am lucky I knew someone who knew exactly where I was, mentally, and pleaded for me to see someone about it first.

I went on Citalopram.

I've always considered myself asexual. I was just never interested in sex. I had other things to think about and I always channeled the few times I felt arousal into art work. I never wanted anyone to touch me. So it sort of blind sided me when what seemed like just flirtation quickly turned into physical stuff and I actually wanted that physical stuff to go on. I feel like I am on another planet, it is so strange to feel all this stuff- arousal for someone, wanting that someone to touch and kiss me, etc.

We've been together twice and I get so close but just can't seem to go over that edge. This doesn't really bother me, though I would love to see what it feels like with another person and not a dildo. I can tell it's bugging him and I know he wants to come as well but is spending so much energy on me that he doesn't. It's also a turn off for him that I can't come. He won't penetrate me as he doesn't like condoms; he uses his mouth and hands on me and has me grind on him.

Before antidepressants I would masturbate maybe once a month or once every two months and I have on occasion come from using dildos and I know that I like it rough down there, with lots of clit stimulation. I can usually come from just rubbing myself and not penetrating at all. Since going on antidepressants though, about 7 months ago, I have masturbated maybe twice. The drive nearly disappeared altogether, which is why I can't understand this sudden physical relationship and me wanting to keep it.

I do have an appointment with my doc on July 13th, that is the earliest she could see me so I turn to you guys for help until. I had discussed lowering my antidepressant dose in the warm and hot months, she told me just to leave her a message if I ever did so I am considering doing that now that it's getting pretty hot outdoors... maybe that can help.

I have done some reading and nothing really made sense, until I read about antidepressants effecting sex lives and then it all made sense. I would rather keep my happy/sad switch even if it trumps or hides my orgasm switch as I do not want to risk facing that dark abyss again by switching meds when I know this one works so well for me. So is there something I have missed in my googling for info? Any other thoughts or advice?

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