ghostaccount (ghostaccount) wrote in vaginapagina,

Is pregnancy safe for me if hormonal birth control makes me severely depressed?

I have a severe reaction to hormonal birth control. It makes me suicidally depressed; I also lose my sense of identity. (That last is tough to describe; the closest description I've been able to come up with is that it feels like all my memories and skills and so on are intact but my soul is gone. Horrible horrible feeling.) The same thing has happened to me when I've taken supplements that are supposed to balance estrogen levels. (I didn't find out until after I stopped taking them that they were supposed to affect hormones.) I'm normally not at all prone to depression, and don't have any hormonal issues; I don't even get bad PMS (unless I eat too much soy, which gives me the PMS From Hell). But the pill wreaked havoc on my system.

Now, my question is this. I want to have a baby at some point in the future, but I'm terrified of pregnancy. I know birth control pills are designed to fool the body into thinking it's pregnant, and so I'm afraid I'll have the same reaction to pregnancy that I did to the pill. I'm planning to ask my doctor about it when I see her next, but I'm not sure she understands just how severe my side effects were. Does anyone here know anything about hormonal effects of birth control and pregnancy and how they're the same/different? I'd also really like to hear from anyone who has a bad reaction to hormonal birth control and has been pregnant. Any help/advice you can offer would be very much appreciated.

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