unfocusedgirl (unfocusedgirl) wrote in vaginapagina,

Still a 50 Year Old Virgin... sorta... update

Mods, I hope it's okay to update the post I made here on March 9-  http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com/20710436.html with new information, since some of the kind superstars here said they might die of curiosity if they didn't find out what happened.

I'm sorry to say that, as much as I thought about and prepared my vagina before this trip, my visit was rather disappointing.  I think I had too much hope for how things would go when I got to her place.  I was so excited!  Unfortunately, when things didn't happen the way I anticipated, I couldn't shift gears to adjust my hopes so they aligned with reality.  I had said before that I didn't know if anything was going to happen with regard to sex, but I really felt strongly that it might.  I had gotten tested for HIV and had been so excited about employing all of the advice the VPers gave me, but then we didn't even hug to greet each other at the airport.  This lack of any physical touching really threw me for a loop and I couldn't figure out how to express myself they way I wanted to.  I kept thinking I wasn't as pretty as she thought I'd be or that I misread how flirty she had been with me before.  It wasn't all horrible.  We had a great time together and did lots of sightseeing and fun activities.  She really is a wonderful person.  I don't know what went wrong.  I don't have a lot of confidence in these matters- probably because of my limited experience in intimate relationships,  I just couldn't figure out how to get from talking about tennis, and chinchillas, and Italian food, to making out like we were teenagers in a romantic movie.  I know it's probably stupid and old-fashioned of me to think that it would have happened that way.  Sigh.  I had obsessed so much about that pubic hair shaving trend and read everything I could about having sex with her that I don't know what to do about my feelings for her now.  It was hard to listen to her talk about her ex-boyfriend from 30 years ago when all I could think of was how badly I wanted to touch her boobs. 
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