unfocusedgirl (unfocusedgirl) wrote in vaginapagina,

The 50 Year Old Virgin... well... sorta...

Hello!  I have been exploring this site for a short while now.  I read the rules and such, but I hope if I do anything wrong, the mods can just delete my post or direct me elsewhere to hopefully get some answers.  I have really enjoyed reading the posts here and investigating on my own, but I still have a few questions.  I hope some of you may be able to help me, even if it is just by giving me some moral support. 

Okay, here goes... I got married when I was 30 years old.  I hadn't had sex with anyone before then.  I never had a boyfriend or really dated anyone more than once or twice until I met my husband.  I never really had a strong sex drive at all, and never masturbated or had an orgasm.  My marriage only lasted a few years and I have been single since then, and the mom of 2 great teenage boys.  About ten years ago, I accidentally figured out how to have an orgasm (when I was suffering from a yeast infection, of all things!).  Apparently, the itchiness directed me to the right amount of pressure and the right place to rub, which I had never bothered to figure out before.  It was wonderful and I have been enjoying myself ever since that historic day.

Now, for my question(s)... I'm very worried, nervous, and exhilarated, because I think I am falling in love with a woman I met last year at a work conference.  We have been emailing each other constantly and it seems we get along really well.  She identifies herself as a lesbian.  It had never occurred to me that I might be a lesbian because of my nearly non-existent sex drive, but now, I'm wondering if I've always been a lesbian and just never had the opportunity to act on those feelings.

Anyway, we live almost 1,000 miles apart, but I have to visit her city on business next month.  She has invited me to stay with her and I have accepted.  I am so nervous.  I feel like a teenager who is going on their first date.  I don't know if anything is going to happen with regard to sex, but I think it might.  I would appreciate any advice that anyone might have for me about my situation.  I am so nervous, I am shaking as I type this.  

One of the scariest things for me is that by reading this site, (and from raising 2 teenage boys),  I have become aware that many things about sex have changed since I last had sex.  For example, apparently many (maybe all) women shave their pubic areas nowadays.  I have never done that before, because in the era when I was a young woman, it was extremely frowned upon as something that male doctors insisted upon when a woman gave birth to a baby.  It was thought to be degrading and unnecessary.  The idea of shaving down there is completely foreign to me.  What if I do become sexual or romantic with my lady love and she thinks I'm a weirdo for not having a shaved pubic area?  This is just one example of a concern that is weighing very heavily on my mind as the day of our meeting gets closer.  Do you have any advice for me?  I feel like I come from another planet.  I did already get tested for HIV in anticipation of my trip, just to make sure it was negative.  What other modern things should I be thinking about in anticipation of what I think is going to be one of the most scary (in a good way!) weekends of my life?
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