Okay, here goes... I got married when I was 30 years old. I hadn't had sex with anyone before then. I never had a boyfriend or really dated anyone more than once or twice until I met my husband. I never really had a strong sex drive at all, and never masturbated or had an orgasm. My marriage only lasted a few years and I have been single since then, and the mom of 2 great teenage boys. About ten years ago, I accidentally figured out how to have an orgasm (when I was suffering from a yeast infection, of all things!). Apparently, the itchiness directed me to the right amount of pressure and the right place to rub, which I had never bothered to figure out before. It was wonderful and I have been enjoying myself ever since that historic day.
Now, for my question(s)... I'm very worried, nervous, and exhilarated, because I think I am falling in love with a woman I met last year at a work conference. We have been emailing each other constantly and it seems we get along really well. She identifies herself as a lesbian. It had never occurred to me that I might be a lesbian because of my nearly non-existent sex drive, but now, I'm wondering if I've always been a lesbian and just never had the opportunity to act on those feelings.
Anyway, we live almost 1,000 miles apart, but I have to visit her city on business next month. She has invited me to stay with her and I have accepted. I am so nervous. I feel like a teenager who is going on their first date. I don't know if anything is going to happen with regard to sex, but I think it might. I would appreciate any advice that anyone might have for me about my situation. I am so nervous, I am shaking as I type this.
One of the scariest things for me is that by reading this site, (and from raising 2 teenage boys), I have become aware that many things about sex have changed since I last had sex. For example, apparently many (maybe all) women shave their pubic areas nowadays. I have never done that before, because in the era when I was a young woman, it was extremely frowned upon as something that male doctors insisted upon when a woman gave birth to a baby. It was thought to be degrading and unnecessary. The idea of shaving down there is completely foreign to me. What if I do become sexual or romantic with my lady love and she thinks I'm a weirdo for not having a shaved pubic area? This is just one example of a concern that is weighing very heavily on my mind as the day of our meeting gets closer. Do you have any advice for me? I feel like I come from another planet. I did already get tested for HIV in anticipation of my trip, just to make sure it was negative. What other modern things should I be thinking about in anticipation of what I think is going to be one of the most scary (in a good way!) weekends of my life?