sillynosons (sillynosons) wrote in vaginapagina,

body image and sexuality

I don't know where else to go about this since I have no one to talk to about my situation (that is female) so hopefully I can get help and have the courage to finally ask.

I'm a virgin of 19 and am ready to start having sex soon. I'm in a very healthy relationship with a supportive and loving boyfriend.
I've always been a bit chubby in my life but as a teen I hit major depression and gained alot of weight. at 15 I lose 40 lbs from starvation and gained it all back to my highest at 200 lbs at 5'3. I've lost 50 lbs in the last 10 months and have a few more to go. around 40? I'd say my skin is pretty elastic so far and have no stretch marks or sagging.
However, I'm afraid and scared to death of having this once I finally lose the last 40 lbs... since I was a child I never really liked my body  but didn't letter it bother me much. now as a teen/adult I DESPISE my body and know if this happens I'll despise it even more and I don't think I'll ever like my body or be confident in it. I'm very much ready to take a step and my boyfriend says he loves me (I've discussed this issue) but deep down I'm very scared and ashamed of showing my body. And now I fear will issues of extra skin, I never will be...

I don't know what to do. I'm starting therapy which is a start but I really can't help but cry to myself sometimes because I'll never be confident and have the confidence to take a step which can be a wonderful human experience. What can I do about this? I feel extremely hopeless...

I know it's all about respect and such, I know but I feel very afraid I won't "turn him on" or whatever.

thank you to anyone in advance.
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