So my boyfriend and I have discussed on several occasions the idea of me masturbating while he watches. In theory, I'm totally cool with this idea. In practice, I can't quite bring myself to do it. Most of my inability is mental, I'm sure. I'm very self-conscious of the idea. I think things like "what if I look totally stupid while I'm doing it and it's not nearly as sexy as what he's hoping/expecting?" Not to mention, my orgasms from masturbation are totally different from my orgasms from sex. My me time brings me to a quick and quiet climax (seriously, I can finish myself off in about ten seconds if I need a quickie), while sex can have me going for quite a while, and is usually a pretty noisy affair on my part. I'm afraid that he'll actually be straight up bored by my solo performance. 8D And then, finally, there's just the idea of someone watching me that makes me slightly uncomfortable, possibly relating back to childhood abuse, but possibly also unrelated.
During our discussions, I've brought up all of these points with him, and of course, he seems unswayed, but he understands, and doesn't want to push me to do something I'm not comfortable with. But I'd really like to try to do it for him, I'm just not sure how to start. Does anyone have any suggestions?