Popples (poppleshatesyou) wrote in vaginapagina,

Anonymous Post: Wanting to see potential partners STI results?

Greetings, fellow Superstars! As you probably know, from time to time the VP Team makes posts on behalf of people who wish to remain anonymous or who do not have LJ accounts. This is one such post. Thanks in advance for your helpful comments. :)

P.S. For more info on anonymous posts, see this link.

For the VP Team


The question/situation:
I want to see my partner's STD results before having intercourse with him. He's not comfortable disclosing medical records and finds it out of the ordinary that I'm asking for that rather than trusting his word. How out of the ordinary is it? How much does it really help me to see them? Advice?

Some background:
I'm mid-twenties and polyamorous, but in terms of intercourse am new and inexperienced, having had one partner with whom I've been in a very long relationship. My new partner whom I've known a few months isn't trying to make me feel like a weirdo about asking, but we're both pretty attached emotionally to our positions despite rationally understanding where the other is coming from. He's been very accommodative of several hang-ups I have and I want to be able to reciprocate. Yes, I know I should never feel obligated to have sex with someone. What I do feel obligated to do as a human being is have the relationship go both ways, meaning, don't just keep taking; give something back. And I do want to have sex with him.
The aforementioned other partner sees no reason why showing the results should be an issue, and in fact told long before this came up that a good policy is "Trust but verify." He thinks I should see the paper. His other girlfriend agrees.
The only other personal experience I've had with this was a past partner who wanted intercourse to be part of our relationship coming to me voluntarily with his results.

At this moment it seems likely my new partner and I won't end up having intercourse unless he changes his mind. Based on my current information it seems like his refusal could be anything from a big red warning flag to a perfectly regular response from someone who's had a lot of experience. I would really appreciate some outside opinions on this.

Thanks very much, for your help, for your support of shy people, and for your site and the community you foster as a whole.
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