I posted this on sextips but apparently it has to get approved so I figured I'd ask here also while I'm at it. This is sex advice so I can delete it if needed but since my sex issues were caused by vagina issues I thought it would be fine.
So, my boyfriend and I have been having some sex issues. Most of these issues are mine, you'll notice:
- I got pregnant about a year ago (depite having an IUD in). This was 4 months after I first started having intercourse (although I'd been sexuallly active for years) and I am super paranoid now.
- My new birth control (hormonal IUD) is giving me yeast infections every time I have intercourse.
- Intercourse is always painful for me.
- Lube doesn't help because it gives me more yeast infections. People here suggested coconut oil which I've been using but it hasn't been ideal.
- My sex drive is super low. (It has always been: I never masturbated until I started being sexually active, and then I only did because I was curious. I never masturbate because I'm horny, just to help me fall asleep. I never really feel like having sex, but when I get started it's fine.)
- We can't figure out how to use condoms. (He's uncircumcised and his foreskin creates a ridge that we can't get to condom over, unless fingers are dug into his penis. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's true.)
I am going to see someone about the intercourse pain, but it'll take a while to get anywhere. (I have a pap test scheduled in a few weeks, and if they refer me to a gynecologist it'll take a few months.)
At this point I'm thinking of getting off birth control and giving up on intercourse altogether. But our sex life will still need a boost somehow. I was thinking it would be nice to get a book of foreplay ideas (because we'd be avoiding intercourse) and we could follow a new suggestion every time we have sex. I think this would help us talk about sex more and give us ideas. I always enjoy sex more when it involves new things but I have no sex drive therefore never think of sex and never have ideas.
My boyfriend doesn't initiate sex/sexual contact [not even kisses really] and I hate being the one that always has to do it. I'd like it to be a mutual thing. My first question is what would be the best way to broach the topic without sounding like I'm attacking him?
My second question is more about emotions-- When we first started dating he'd always make the first move [I was just a shy "virgin" back then, haha] which makes me feel that something has changed to make him want me less. How does one go about reconciling the feelings of being unwanted/undesirable? It probably sounds lame but just typing this out has made me feel as though I'm going to cry.
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