ladylollig (ladylollig) wrote in vaginapagina,

Guilt from dominance/erotic humiliation

I'm having something of a identity crisis right now. I was approached yesterday about, well at first it was about just selling panties. I laughed it off but my boyfriend said why not see what they had to say on it. The person who approached me about it and I talked business. In the end I decided it was a good enough deal for virtually nothing so sure why not. We talked more and they asked if for some extra money I'd be willing to do some erotic humiliation? Only 2 times a month and just online/phone to start with so I could get comfortable with it. I asked how much and the amount was..really nice lol. I said sure why not. We got into trying out some humiliation last night and he said it was good for being a noob at it. After we parted ways for the night I sat down with my boyfriend and talked out how I was feeling about the prospect. It is a very strange role for me to step into b/c  I am, by nature, very submissive. There is a part of me that can be very dominate when asked, but my problem is I was raised to be a perfect little doll. My mother always told me to be polite to everyone and never say anything to put them down. And now I'm being asked to do so. Which, in the moment I can do easily and well enough. My problem is feelings of guilt afterwards. Everyone is a consensual adult in the situation and I'm not unhappy doing it. It's just..trying to get past this feeling of I'm doing something "wrong" Any help would be appreciated.

ETA: Thank you for the input. I do need to remember it's just an act. For some reason there's a lot of things I can do and I shift out of who I really am and take on this alter ego but with this I think it's just so new that's it's thrown me. 

Also, I'm not really all the uncomfortable with it. Just trying to break out of, oh that isn't nice to do. I'm a sugary sweet person like 95% of the time and even that 5% that I'm not I'm still really polite. My boyfriend told me I just need to remember this isn't making my I guess client? it isn't making him unhappy. He said it really makes him super happy. So I just need to shift my idea of what I can do to make someone happy.

This is why I love this community though. Every last one of you, are always so helpful. So positive, and so wonderful. I never feel like I'm going to be rejected or thought to be stupid for wanting to do something outside the normal realms of..normal. <3333

Tags: sex-work
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