I finally faced my fear of all things medical and went to the doctor/OBGYN after 5 years of avoiding it (fear due to all sorts of things including giving up control, past history of sexual assault, needles, and general "i'd rather not know if anything's wrong with me" attitude). Good news: despite minor hyperventilation there were no needles and the exam went well and the doctor was nice. The bad news: they found a lump on my thyroid. She was shocked and said, "You've never felt that before?!" No, I hadn't, but there's definitely one there. It's about the size of a large gumball from those crazy machines (I don't know why that's the only comparison I can think to make) and it's right above that little hollow in at the base of your throat. I'm now officially freaking out and scared to death. She said it might just be a 'lipoma' or you know it could be something terribly worse. I generally distrust doctors to give me the truth if it might look bad so I don't know even know what to think. I'm going in for an ultrasound tomorrow but having spent 5 years outside the realm of it, I have no idea how long it will take to find out if you know, my life is going to altered irrevocably by something like cancer or you know, not. I'm a 27 year old cis-gendered female, have Providence health insurance in Portland, OR if that makes any kind of difference. Just looking for some information and stories if anyone else has been through this, knows what to expect, and when I could possibly get my results back. Thanks so much for all your support, VPers, it has meant the world to me and even though I was too scared to go the doctor's for 5 years, I felt well informed about my questions and what I wanted out of my visit and felt better about my fears thanks to all the wonderful wonderful info and advice here over the years. I really appreciate you all. TIA.
P.S. The one part that weirded me out/made me feel like the doc wasn't creating the 'safe space' I'm so gloriously used to around here was when I was explaining my fears about lack of control and she said, "just wait for WHEN you get pregnant." Just struck me as very very presumptuous and potentially hurtful to someone who may not be ABLE to get pregnant. If I hadn't been so freaked out with my own issues, I probably would have spoken up.