for emily, wherever, whenever i shall find her (tornattheelbo) wrote in vaginapagina,
for emily, wherever, whenever i shall find her

issues with new partner + masturbation, need ideas...

recently my partner of 4 years and I came together and blended our families to live under one roof, and the change has been exciting and stressful. Some of the stress is coming from this life change being kind of an upheval in my social life, i'm not really sure how to navigate setting aside time to hang out with friends, and so I have been spending a lot of time at home and feeling generally self- conscious of this. I should also state that I have some chronic social and generalized anxiety, that I try to manage through CBT techniques.

I love my partner a lot, we normally get along very well, and try to be supportive of one another in like, EVERYTHING, even if it's not something we'd choose for ourselves, it seems to be individually important to both of us that we are both happy when scenarios have outcomes that benefit the both of us...

I am normally very sex-healthy and enjoy masturbation a lot, and would like to allow my partner to do the same, but I kind of need to get out of the house for him to be able to enjoy himself in the manner that he'd normally do this in.

I am sympathetic to him and his needs, but at the same time I am feeling hurt, and feeling really confused as to why i'm feeling so hurt.

I offer up sex a lot. I have a high sex drive, and i often can't wait to be sexual with him, but he is often tired and with kids and financial stress, it impacts his desire... He still will often perform for me, if he is not interested, by way of manual, but part of my need is to satisfy him as well, and he wants me to, and I generally do fairly often, but i've noticed that since i've moved in that sex is not as scheduled and anticipated as it was when we were just dating.

I feel a bit rejected and have said as much, but his point was that sex and masturbation are not the same need, and i can sort of concur with that... I just asked him for some patience, because i'm trying to work on getting my social life a little more active...

in any case, I needed some input and vagpag is so obviously wise!
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