Julia (horsemanure) wrote in vaginapagina,


I'm in need of some reassurance. This is probably going to be very scattered because my brain is very scattered right now.

The past couple of weeks I've had some pain on the skin around my anus (almost felt like a cut or some kind of abrasion, or something), and it got worse over the weekend to the point where when I wiped after using the bathroom (any type) it hurt, and if I spread my legs the wrong way to get comfortable the skin pulled and it hurt. I went to the doctor about it today, and after taking a look at it she said that she needed to do a herpes test.

I just recently lost my virginity (a couple months ago), and we're still not even having "successful" (I don't like that adjective for it, but I can't come up with how else to describe it) sex, because to say I have a tiny vagina is an understatement, and he's... definitely larger than average, combined with me battling vaginismus generally makes for very very very brief intercourse that's not really very sexy (for him, at least) and then other sexie tymes beyond that. Anyway, that was a completely random tangent.

Anyway, point is, I consciously know that herpes is not a huge deal and it's perfectly okay (I mean, I've had it on my face since I was a child), but I was raised in a very very religious setting, where the stigma of any kind of STI is exponential, so it's stuck in my subconscious. Hell, I'm still working on getting rid of some subconscious stigmas attached to sex. It kind of made me panic and freak out at the mention of "herpes test."

The doctor even said that she didn't think it was herpes, and it very well could simply be a tear, but the even minute possibility of it being herpes sent me into freak-out mode.

Also, I need to note that CONSCIOUSLY I have nothing against people with STIs or anything like that, just like I CONSCIOUSLY have nothing against sex or any kind of sexual activity. It's just my subconscious that's being a pain in the ass.

Basically, I just need some reassurance that everything is okay and it's no big deal and blah blah blah. I need to hear it from someone else to get me to calm down.
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