Sorry, this post is a bit long and disjointed.
I made a post about this on sextips a while ago, and people recommended that I see a counsellor. I went to see my school counsellor, who said she couldn't help me and referred me to another counsellors, who all charge 100 dollars an hour, which I definitely cannot afford. So I was hoping some of you had some other suggestions for me!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, and have been living together for 2. I basically never want to have sex, he wants to have sex at least once a day. We compromised and aimed to have sex 3 to 4 times a week. This compromise worked okay for a while, especially when sex was new for me. Even then, I didn't have a very high sex drive, but I found sex fun. But now, most of the time, it just feels like an obligation. If my boyfriend never initated, I would probably want to have sex maybe once every week or two. But since we have sex so often, it's never enough time for me to start to want to have sex. So basically, I'm always having sex when I don't particularly want to. (When I really don't want to have sex, we don't do it. But when I don't really care, I try to force myself. Usually I end up enjoying it, but lately I just can't get into it.)
I do go through phases of liking sex more than usual, and it's usually because we're trying something new. The problem is that, since I don't really care about sex, I don't really fantasize about anything, so I don't have ideas of new things to try. Also, I have vulvodynia and I can't have intercourse, which limits what we can do.
Right now I'm even more resentful because sex-related problems have basically taken over my life:
- First I had a copper IUD put it, then I got pregnant, then I had an abortion, and I still think about it all the time (though I don't really regret it).
- Then I got a Mirena IUD, which gave me a bunch of yeast infections which turned into constant itching of the vulva (which I am still dealing with even though I got the IUD taken out months ago).
- I just got diagnosed with vulvodynia, and I'm about to start a treatment program.
And I don't even particularly care about sex! I just want my boyfriend and I to have a happier sex life. We're both trying so hard but we can't figure it out.
(I should be clear though, that I really want to have a higher sex drive. I want to solve this for my own sake too, not just my boyfriend's!)
What do you think I can do to increase my sex drive?
I am not on hormonal birth control.
Thanks so much!