helpmepleaze (helpmepleaze) wrote in vaginapagina,
helpmepleaze
helpmepleaze
vaginapagina

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I've hit a brick wall.

This is an update back to this post: http://vaginapagina.livejournal.com/19697014.html

I called Planned Parenthood and talked to them. They don't carry the type of birth control I use, but I made an appointment anyway- the soonest they had was tomorrow. So, if I go with them, I'd have to switch to a new birth control mid-trip- obviously not a good option.

I needed to go back to my doctor today anyway for a persistent sore throat and cough I've been having. I told the nurse the whole story- about my vaginismus, my asexuality, my past experiences with pelvic exams, and she passed the info on to the doctor.

He didn't budge. Still refused to prescribe refills. I broke down in the room, agreed to do the pelvic exam because I feel like I don't have a choice, and got as far as putting on the paper gown before having a complete mental meltdown in the office. I got dressed again, and refused it. A half hour of sobbing hysterically in humiliation and terror in my doctor's office, and he didn't even come to see me. Oh, but the nurse gave me a coupon for one of my presciptions to 'make me feel better'.

I still have Planned Parenthood tomorrow, but that means switching meds in the middle of my study abroad.

I'm desperate. Are there any online 'pharmacies' that will slap my name on some and send them overnight? I'll pay as much as I can. I don't even care anymore. I'm beaten down, humiliated, and desperate. I don't have anywhere else to go, a new doctor wouldn't even be able to see me in time, and I leave at 3:30am Saturday morning.

I hate doctors so much.

Edit: I didn't askt he lady on the phone with PP if they'd be able to write a prescription for the birth control I'm on; she was being rather nasty about me waiting till the last minute, even though I had no control over it. She simply said they don't have Mircette or the generic for it. Maybe they can only use in-house drugs for the HOPE program, I don't know. I hope not. I'm just so close to giving up, so close to falling back into self injury, which I have a history of. So thank you, doctors- not only are you not keeping me healthy, you're encouraging me to have depression issues all over again.
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