destroyer of clocks (jocelina) wrote in vaginapagina,
destroyer of clocks
jocelina
vaginapagina

Anonymous Post - Suggestions for non-sexual vulva love

Greetings, fellow VPers! As you probably know, from time to time the VP Team makes posts on behalf of people who wish to remain anonymous or who do not have LJ accounts. This is one such post, and we thank you in advance for your helpful and awesome comments. :)

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P.S. For more info on anonymous posts, see this link.



I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. As an adult I then spent many years in a controlling and at times abusive same sex relationship, where although sex was never explicitly forced, I often felt under pressure to have sex when my partner wanted it. It's fair (and indeed very sad) to say that sex has never really been something I have fully (I guess consciously) consented to, or enjoyed. And it's also fair to say that as a result I haven't really had a great relationship with my vulva.

I have done a lot of work in therapy processing both the childhood abuse and the later relationship, and am beginning to feel like I might be almost ready for another relationship. But before this happens, I think I need to be a little more comfortable with my physical body. For a long time I thought this meant being more comfortable with sex, but I have come to realise that enjoying my physicality does not have to mean sex. Indeed, one of the legacies of the sexual abuse I am trying to undo is the tendency to sexualise things that are not in fact sexual.

So what I would like to do is find ways to care for, treat and (I guess) heal my vulva, in a non-sexual way. You know, to build a new relationship with a part of my body that up until recently I have not really had much say over. And so I was hoping that this great community might have some lovely suggestions. I very much look forward to hearing them.

Thank you.
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