may_third (may_third) wrote in vaginapagina,

Attitudes towards femininity/vulvas and vaginas

Hi VP. Sorry to post twice in one day, but I just had a really dis-empowering conversation with a dear friend of mine that has left me in need of feedback.

To make a long story short, my friend thinks all vaginas/vulvas are "ugly," "fugly," "gross," "smelly," "terrifying" CREATURES.

(Just so everybody knows, this friend is a cis-gendered, heterosexual, female and has never had PIV sex and has never masturbated, and has grown up in a predominantly "male" governed household where being feminine is associated with weakness, for what it's worth...But she is a nude model for art students and a pretty well known belly-dancer who is almost constantly at least HALF nude in front of people, so this is just one big contradiction for me when I try to think about it...)

She then challenged me to name all the reasons why I thought vaginas/vulvas WEREN'T ugly. I responded by saying that I actually thought they can be visually pleasing, sometimes remind me of flower petals and various other pretty things, they are a source of pleasure for many people, are something "feminine" in the way I see it, something to be proud of--not ashamed of! I've never personally met or talked to any cis-male that thought their own penis was disgusting, gross, or "ugly." Most hetero/cis-gendered males and homosexual cis-females I know have talked to me about how they love their partners' vaginas and this is completely new to me, to hear about a woman who seemingly HATES her very own set o'parts!

She then went on to say that she bet she could go up to any woman on the street and have them agree with her that all vaginas/vulvas are inherently ugly and gross.

I immediately thought of VagPag and began shaking my head.

She can have her opinion that vulvas are ugly, but I was offended by the way she talked with me, telling me that they are disgusting and displeasing to look at, that there is nothing attractive or visually pleasing about them, that they smell and that she comes in contact with her own as little as possible and that she avoids it at all costs, and that it is gross that I masturbate/let my partner touch me there, etc. We all have our thoughts and opinions but it really surprised me that anyone my age really had this many negative emotions towards our genetalia, and when I say that I mean cis-gendered females. This particular friend is a belly dancer and is in constant company of many a lovely, lovely lesbian, and lots of proud feminists! She also does nude modeling. However, she has never masturbated or had sex. It all seems very contradictory to me!

I feel like for someone who is surrounded by empowered, strong, beautiful women, she should be more empowered and less ashamed, herself! She thinks that since she is an artist, she has seen lots of disgusting, ugly vaginas.

...I just don't get it!

We have had previous conversations about how vaginas are disgusting and "smelly." I told her that my vagina doesn't smell bad and she refused to believe me.

How do I at least try to help her see that vaginas aren't gross or shameful or ugly?

Is there anyone here who is cis-gendered female and hates their vagina/vulva? If so, would you mind telling me why?

Are there any cis-gendered females here who think vaginas/vulvas are ugly/gross?

I want complete honesty! I feel like this is the place for empowered and enlightened people, and would love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Is there any way I could talk to my friend about this without offending her? I dropped it after a while because she insisted that everything to do with vaginas and vulvas was OMGGROSSDISGUSTING, and she is not an easily squicked person...she just seems to have an agenda against female genetalia!

I am honestly at a loss, it just seems so weird to me that she hates vulvas so much. She told me that I must be a miracle child because my vagina doesn't "stink" and that I'm crazy and probably "the only woman out there" who thinks vaginas aren't ugly.

Sorry if this was jumbled, but I am really just baffled by her hatred of the vag! Please tell me what you think!!!
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