justforapicture (justforapicture) wrote in vaginapagina,

I just need a little support. Body issues/illnesses.

 I know this isn't vagina related but I just found out some things that are really scaring me and I'm absolutely hating myself right now.

After a weird bout of urinary issues, I got a ton of blood tests/urine tests done. Nothing came up weird or anything, except for the fact that my liver enzyme functions were high. I asked my friend's mom what this means, since she's an ER nurse, and basically told me something I never wanted to hear.

She said that she's scared it's prediabetes. I'm overweight, about 185 and 5'6". I work out 1-3 times a week and try to eat somewhat normally. I have my bouts of tons of pizza or too many desserts on holidays, but nothing severe. My father has diabetes and it all makes too much sense now and I'm just really having a hard time thinking about this.

There is a chance it's something else, though. Liver enzyme functions can change daily and depend on meds or just go up and down if they feel like it. But also with the GI issues I have, there's a chance it's gal stones/gal bladder issues. It's pathetic, but a surgical procedure to remove stones is better, in my head, than knowing that my weight caused this.

At this point, I'm in my bed crying and hoping some lightning bolt strikes me dead because I'm so scared of everything. I'm scared of giving up food (because it's an emotional eating thing for me sometimes, but then again, there are times I miss 2 meals a day because of anxiety), I'm scared of getting diabetes and having no control over what I can eat, and I'm just hating myself for being fat. I never thought of myself as fat. I don't really LOOK fat. I'm very "solid" as people call it. I'm proportioned well and I just can't believe this could be such a huge issue.

I know that I need to get my weight under control. I know it's going to be hard. But I'm just really scared and at this point, don't want to eat at all. I'm having a huge self-loathing moment and was just hoping someone could help me out. Please :(.
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