I have a big time desire to have babies. I want to be pregnant, I want to have my babies, I want to take care of them and teach them and change their diapers and get no sleep and let them learn and let them fail and be there to help them figure it all out. But, I am 22. Freshly 22. I don't have a whole lot by way of savings and I know that I will not be having any babies any time soon. Too smart and too much desire to make my babies lives good lives and well taken care of lives. I want to have their path set up for them.
So here is my question, is there some way to make my biological clock stop going off every day? It's literally every day. Like an alarm is set so that at night, when I start to feel a tiredness gnawing at my mind, I instantly go "imagine being tired all the time! It'll be wonderful" or whatever my brain thinks that instantly makes some primal part of my brain ask "Why am I not pregnant NOW?"
Duh, brain, because you are not ready. Because you don't have money. Because you want to make sure shit will work out. But that isn't good enough for my brain and my clock and my heart. It's painful to see babies in strollers or commercials for baby food. Though honestly I think I am going through some form of hormonal shift. My pee smells more musky, my hips widened more, I gained a little weight (woot over 100lbs) and I have that weird little bump thing women get over their wombs. My boobs are bigger too. Not pregnant, and this has been going on for a few months now. But how do I fight against all this? I am sick of being butthurt because I am trying to be mature and responsible. I want to be happy that one day I WILL have children. For some reason, it isn't doing anything for me.
Is there anything at all I can do? Drink tea? Eat steak? Goats milk? Mint leaves over my eyes? I will take anything cause this weird depression feeling has got to go away. Please help.