tsunamiraine (tsunamiraine) wrote in vaginapagina,

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!@#$ed up episiotomy?

I just recently gave birth. I had an easy labor and birth. I had to push only 4 times, yet for some reason I was given an episiotomy without my consent. The nurse did not ask me if I agreed to have one. She just said "ok were gonna cut you *snip"" before I had a chance to even respond. The hospital I was in is a "teaching" hospital, which means that you get to be a Guinea pig for med students...So anyway there I was with my legs in stirups , junk in the air after having just birthed my daughter..when the guy comes in and is like "hi! I'm so and so a student resident here..." He was apparently going to sew me up. Only I'm fairly certain that it was the first time Mr. So and so had ever seen a vagina. He was being supervised by a nurse and a doctor, and he actually asked "so...like...this goes here? and where does this go?" Not exactly the most comforting words to hear from the person in charge of sewing up your crotch. After being corrected by the doctor multiple times, he finally finished. It took longer to sew me up than it took me to give birth. I wasnt too concerned about the job he did at the time, as I was still on major drugs and high on happy to see my little girl, besides I read about episiotomies and heard they generally healed up fine.  For the first couple of days I was on pain meds so strong I didn't really care to look at my crotch and see if things were ok.I went home and followed all the care instructions....but I  started to notice that my vagina didn't feel quite right...in fact it didn't feel anatomically correct at all. I wrote it off as "it takes time for these things to heal". well 4 weeks later I have finally gotten up the courage to take a look. And it definitely is not right. The opening is this giant gaping cave and you can see a a flap of skin/muscle that was never repaired. when you match it up with the other side the opening looks normal. I have no idea what to do. My 6 week postpartum check up is in 2 weeks.  Can they even fix that now? Will they even fix it? I don't have insurance, only medicaid. I'm terrified about having sex again. I don't know what to do. I dont want something like this to ruin my marriage in the long run. I mean sex isnt the most important thing...but its up there, and I don't feel comfortable even thinking about it. =/
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