EDIT: fixed the cut! sorry! should be there now.
so the fact that i have genital hsv-1 hasnt really been a big issue in my life lately as i havent even come close to dating anyone in a long time. ive had a few hookups but the only thing that occured was we would make out and touch eachother. i know touching is a low risk activity and i would never let anyone touch me if i had an outbreak, but i havent even had one since my initial one over two years ago..i think about it all the time though. the mental part is way worse than the physical symptoms ever were.
but here is my issue im having now. ive met this great guy and weve been hanging out and talking and getting along really well. i havent felt this way about a guy in so long. hes older than me (im 22, hes 33) and so much different from the immature boys that have been in my life in the past. im really falling for him, but he just got out of a shitty relationship where the girl was real crazy and cheated on him and there was all this lying and whatnot..so hes taking it really slow and just wants to hang out and have someone to be physical with at times. the thing is..there have been one or two times where (being out, being drunk) i got a bit dramatic over silly things like him wanting to go home to his place instead of stay at mine. i feel bad enough as it is for putting him through that..so im trying to be less jealous..but on top of that...
hes talking about wanting to have sex with me. and i want to have sex with him. the thing is, im a virgin. so number one, im not sure if i should be rushing into sex for the first time..although i do feel comfortable with him and want to pretty badly..i trust him and he is more mature and wouldnt be weird about it afterward..to be honest im sick of being a virgin and wanna get it over with! even if i dont date him i think that id be fine with having lost it to him..hes a really great guy..very sweet and understanding.
BUT..obviously..my number two concern is my genital hsv-1. im very knowledgable about transmission and everything...that in my case i shed only about 3% of days in the year..im not on valtrex or anything because i havent needed it but if i were to get a prescrip. for it that would reduce the shedding to an even smaller percent. PLUS with the use of a condom..the chance he would catch it from me is very slim. basically it would be 99% that he would never catch it from me.
so i guess my question is...should i be telling him this early? we are still very casual..i wouldnt consider us to be dating. weve just recently started getting a bit physical. we make out, i touch him, and he touched me for the first time for a bit the other day. now i know there is this low risk transmission of genital--hand--his genitals which he may have touched briefly but i didnt see so couldnt be sure..and i would not let him go down on me..he would be more likely to get hsv-1 on his mouth that way..more of a risk than with having protected sex with me. but should i be getting into all of this if we are still being so casual? i want to have sex with him...but we are still getting to know eachother...and although he is mature and stuff i know he gets nervous about STIs and things..
im terrified to tell him for fear of rejection. or..i could just wait.and not tell him...and not have sex with him...get closer to him emotionally first...and then when i feel closer..tell him. i WANT to tell him now..i WANT to have sex with him now...but i dont know if my emotions could handle being rejected so soon into the beginning of this budding partnership...im just really lost and upset. any words you guys have would help.