Ok, so the thing is this is while we've been together for over a year the sexual component started only a little over a month ago and it's the first time for both of us. I thought I was well read and well prepared but now that I'm actually going through everything I feel like I know nothing and OMGPREGNANT?! every other time which is driving me insane. My need to talk to someone, anyone, is two-fold.
1. Sometimes nothing makes him lose his erection faster than the thought, sight, or mention of condoms. Whenever we discussed sex we always agreed we'd use condoms even to the point where months before having sex I asked him to start masturbating with condoms so he could get used to the feel of them. It's not like he's not always able to maintain an erection with a condom, because almost every time he's worn one, he's orgasmed harder than he ever has. And it's driving me crazy that I have to ask him to use a condom almost every single time. And even then he might not unless I really push it and by that time there no need because bye bye hard on and that makes me feel bad. And because of that lately I haven't been that vocal in asking, which leads to sex without condoms even though we both know how stupid that is. And I feel even more stupid because I feel like I'm jeopardizing our future for his pleasure. And that afterwards, it's always oh shit we shouldn't have done that. And I hate that I have to be the one to ask when he said it was his responsibility just as the BC was mine. After-sex conversations are no longer "yay, sex fun!" and more of "we really need to actually start using condoms". I'm just frustrated, don't know what to do and feel like I'm seconds away from nagging which is so not conducive to sexy times. And I really hate that feeling of foreboding and that I'm compromising myself.
2. When we first started having sex, I had near perfect use of the pill and we were also using the withdrawal method because of his aforementioned issues with condoms. But when it became apparent that I was going to have to switch BCs and can't be positive of it's effectiveness this month we had a serious talk and agreed to move to condoms completely. Of course tonight is the night where I forgot to take the pill on time (5 hrs late) and had condomless sex. He did withdraw in time but this is where I'm freaking out a little. He's getting me a Plan B equivalent in the morning, so if I take it, it'll be within 16 hours of the sex. I don't know if I'm being paranoid and that it'll be ok, he did ejaculate outside of me. But am not sure if he'd peed from the last time he came. And then I think, damn, I just finished bleeding not even a full week ago. And then that we cannot, literally and figuratively, afford a child. (No, abortion really isn't an option for me for a plethora of reasons.) I'm not sure which ledge I need talking down from, to take or not to take. And if I do take, what should I expect?
Thank you for listening and for any advice you could offer.